• Our Inner Diva

    We come across articles online or in the papers about the divaesque behavior of the celebs. But what about the diva that lives within us all? The one who is temperamental? Volatile even and turns away in a huff? The one who turns up their nose at some transgression-imagined or otherwise.

    I am very closely associated with one such person. And another one makes a cameo appearance from time to time and then goes back to playing their usual full-time role.

    Greta Garbo always had an anecdote attributed to her, “I vant to be alone”

    One of my peeps sometimes becomes Garboesque and goes into ‘I want to be alone’ mode and there will be the sound of a door closing somewhere for about half and hour. After that time has lapsed,  slightly subdued but ostensibly normal person emerges. But the diva lurks within.

    The other diva is full-blown and totally OTT! There are lamentations of happiness being denied, lives being ruined and expressions of angst and agony to rival the actors of the Silent Era of movies. 

    That is followed by a body being flung onto a bed in a fit of pique. 

    Doors occasionally slam as well. But there is a zero-tolerance on door slamming so the anger is demonstrated in other ways. Things get flung around at times but there being an embargo on breakages; that line isn’t crossed.

    I like to follow a ‘you break it, you bought it’ policy except mine is ‘you break it, you clean it up PRONTO’!

    These divas are cute for the most part and not always very high maintenance. I have to write that because if they start writing their memoirs some day, I shudder to think how I’ll be portrayed. Yikes!

  • Somedays are TOUGH. You get up and move along without realizing that you’re putting one foot in front of the other. Zombies have a nice shuffling gait and make it very evident that they are in lurch-mode. But there are some days when you can’t remember how you got from one room to another because somewhere in your mind you are still sleeping.

    Image result for sleepwalking gif

    That happened to me today. I was reading till late at night and had to get up this morning to get T.O off to school. I’m ashamed to say this is how I did it. I stuck my nose in the container where we keep the coffee powder and I inhaled it like a junkie looking for a fix. I may even have snorted a bit of caffeine but it’s all good because I woke up. Desperate times= desperate measures and all that jazz.

    Image result for where's my coffee

    You semi-wake up one day and realize your life is centered around addictions. Caffeine, your phone, digital media and even the need to share thoughts, images and stories across said digital media. Call it a malaise or just the order of things but I really surprised myself today. I was coffee sniffing just to be able to open my eyes today.

    So this is what glue-sniffers are all about…not a happy realization.

    Image result for smh gif

  • Note: This post has been patiently waiting to see the time of day. It did not get it’s moment in the sunny blogosphere due to a nasty hand injury which prevented me from doing anything else but insulting the world at large. Read on below.

    Or did he? It’s one of those things we may never really know about for sure. Well, not unless we research a bit into bulldog geneology and map it to a timeline and figure out when the first ones appeared.

    But why bulldogs? Why not Shih Tzus or Sharpeis when they are clearly the cuddley-wuddley-izzums of the small dog segments? Well it so happened this weekend when we were at a place in the outskirts of Hyderabad, I came across the landscaping which was clearly done by a team/person who loves Oriental symbols and the Buddha especially.

     

     

    There are statues all over the resort along with those chubby, laughing babies one tends to see in their artwork. What one doesn’t usually see are bulldogs. And yet there they were. And so was a pelican! Go figure…


    Out of all the things there, these bulldogs caught my eye. Why wouldn’t they? They were so life like. Imagine trudging your way to the restaurant for breakfast, semi-zombieish from the lack of caffeine, and behold. A bull dog. Totally the cover for Better Homes and Gardens.

    Image result for bulldog animated gif

    So, did Buddha have a bulldog? I guess we’ll never know.

    Image result for buddha gif

    P.S: What do you get if you cross a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu? Bullshit! Image result for laughing dog gif

  • Four years ago I wrote this blog post and I’m still laughing about it. Sometimes all the way to the loo because when Red ends up being funny inadvertently, it’s bad for my bladder.

    One of the biggest yarns ever spun in my home is about Red getting a 92 in Hindi many moons ago. Anyone who knows him knows that to be the biggest crock of malarkey. Ever.Not surprisingly, no documentation of this mythical “92” has ever been seen.

    Every now and then I’ll listen to a couple of mellow, Hindi songs which particularly pluck at my romantic vein. And that’s when Red strikes. With a seemingly innocuous question, a guileless face and completely out of the blue, he’ll make me go from a mellowed out woman to someone who looks like this- Image result for dafuq gif

    Tonight was no different. I was looking up the lyrics to Roz Roz Aankhon Tale. Now it’s not entirely phonetically spelt out in English, I accept, but the husband cottoned onto just ONE word from the entire song, took it out of context and changed the meaning from love to cannibalism in one fell swoop!

    “Taley” in Hindi means below, underneath. Talna means to fry. Somehow, Mr.92-in-Hindi grabbed onto that random memory from his vast, spacious vault of Hindi vocabulary and asked me, “Doesn’t tale mean fried?” And now, instead of remembering Kishore Kumar and Asha Bhonsle’s mellifluous duet, I’ll see eyeballs sizzling on a skillet.

    Don’t be too surprised if I walk around zombie-like after sometime and turn into Cole Sear and say  substituting eyeballs of course!Image result for eyeballs gif

     

     

     

  • A Forced Hiatus

    I type this out, with the middle finger of my left hand raised and ostensibly flipping off the world at large. But that’s not so. I’m not that angsty. Or am I?

    A few days ago I tried to save a silly glass from toppling over in the wind. The wind was gusty and the glass was flimsy. The breaking of the glass and my hand reaching out to save it happened simultaneously. Long story short- there was lots of blood, stitches and waiting in the emergency room, breathing in the hospital smell while the nerve that got nicked twanged on furiously. Ergo the raised middle finger that cannot bend.

    I’m currently down with what’s called Neuropraxia. And Wikipedia very nicely and accurately describes it as thus, “Neurapraxia is a disorder of the peripheral nervous system in which there is a temporary loss of motor and sensory function due to blockage of nerve conduction, usually lasting an average of six to eight weeks before full recovery.”

    For a person who talks with her hands as much as she does with her mouth (it’s a toss-up which one gets more weightage), it’s been VERY, VERY uncomfortable. Barring the episiotomy that I had while having T.O, I’ve never needed any surgical intervention and I was happy with that. And no…I won’t define an episiotomy! Those who know what it is are already shuddering; I don’t want the general populace cringing as well.

    But back to flipping the bird. It’s not fun. It’s not remotely fun because after you exhaust all the middle finger jokes, you’re left with a finger that keeps sending electric-bolts like shocks up and down your hand and sometimes through your body; making your freeze in your tracks like an extended (and sometimes perverse) game of Statue!!

    But all my bellyaching aside, it’s great to get some mobility back in the finger. And yes, I perpetually do give everyone in the vicinity ‘the bird’; whether warranted or not. Most importantly, the learning from this has been immense! Always drink whiskey. The glasses are sturdier and don’t shatter at the first contact with another object.

    Nuff said.

    Image result for middle finger meme

  • A Quick Getaway

    A Quick Getaway

    Birthdays can be hectic, even without all the trappings of a “proper” birthday party.

    The Offspring (T.O), who shall not be referred to as MLM anymore, had a relatively no frills birthday this time around and while that didn’t translate to no fun; it was still quite low-key. Be as that may, we are currently on a mini-getaway from it all. 

    We’re vegetating at a place in the outskirts of the city and it’s quite relaxing. Red’s watching cricket, T.O is enjoying his weekend of digital media and is eyeballs deep into his favorite movies and I SLEPT for 2 hours in the afternoon after what seems like a lifetime.

    We aren’t doing anything special or out of the ordinary here. We’re holed up in the room or in the little porch outside the room and it feels nice. The feeling of being somewhere else. Not *having* to do anything in particular feels just dandy.

    It’s been raining all day long and given the absence of cars and traffic, the sound of the rains and lack of city noise has been quite refreshing. I observed a beetle(?) keep its balance on a blade of grass for a long while and chalked it up to a ‘stopping to smell the roses’ kinda moment.

    A fairly sybaritic way to unwind if I look at it very dispassionately but hey! I slept for 2 hours in the afternoon…it’s totally worth it.

    Signing off.

  • Ever since I was a cute little girl and got introduced to killer sharks by my semi-misguided parents who thought it was ok to take a 2 year to a creature flick; I have sought out shark movies.

    I have watched the good ones viz Jaws, Deep Blue Sea, The Shallows and its rather limited ilk.

    I have also watched the meh-kinds viz like Shark Night 3D and its bretheren of which there are more.

    The same goes for the ” it’s so bad it’s good” category under which umbrella Sharknado totally rules the roost!

    But today I watched the mostly boring movie: The Meg. I can’t say Steve Alten is spinning in his grave somewhere because he is alive and kickin’ but I don’t see how he willingly gave the script of this movie his blessings.

    With many departures from the riveting book, the movie features a tired Jason Statham, a humongous shark, lots of explosions and mainly people falling in water. Everyone else is a bit player with hokey dialogues and an ability to scream when they’re about to die.

    If you’re a creature movie enthusiast and are curious about the film, aren’t into piracy, then paying the price of the ticket would be worth it. Else give it a miss. Barring the expected jolts one gets with the shark breaching or looming up behind, this movie is a dud. 

    The cinematography isn’t flat but the use of drone photography probably does a bit to make it visually less BLAH.

    All in all, it’s a yawn fest for a Friday night.

    Rating: 1 out of 5.

  • 9

    9

    Red and I completed 9 years in our parenting journey. They have been a lot of things but never dull. 

    We were handed a longish and skinny baby who filled out quickly enough and we couldn’t stop nom-noming on his cheeks, his nose and all his little limbs.

    You have never been digustingly mushy and annoyingly gagworthy till you have a kid. The most absurd nonsense erupts from your lips. Goo-goo gaga seems normal. You string together the weirdest rhymes and play horsey and never think of your dignity at all.

    Your offspring could be a bald, drooly, raspberry-blowing run-of-the-mill infant and you beam the instant you lay eyes upon him and think…isn’t that the most beautiful baby the world ever saw?! And the annoying baby talk starts all over again while the baby in question gazes at you in mild exasperation.

    Time passes…baby gets weaned off, learns to poop at the right time, the right place and thankfully in the right way. He goes off to school and you keep watching for tears and separation anxiety; never realizing you’re the one going through it. The child will bounce back sooner than you.

    Kindergarten gives way to grade school and then a laptop-toting 9 year old tells you exactly what they want for their birthday right down to the guest list, food menu and how they want to celebrate.

    The next day you’re dragging their butt out of bed so they can get back on the school grind and the child is suffering from a post-party hangover. They are stuck to the floor doing a 500-piece dino puzzle and you’re giving them a minute-by-minute update of how late you’re getting and how the bus won’t wait and you see the same tot who looked at you with fuzzy eyes and no idea of how the world works. He’s not really 9..he’s still your baby.

    Awww

  • Image result for karwaan poster

    I’d like to start off by saying- Go watch it. It may not be something you’d want to watch again and again. But you’d like it if ,you did watch it just the once.

    This is what Karwaan isn’t:

    • It’s not a screwball comedy a la It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
    • It’s not a road trip movie alone.
    • It’s not just a buddy-buddy movie.
    • The main actors do not fall in love with each other.
    • No one breaks out into a song and dance to express their emotions or thoughts.

    And this is what Karwaan is– a journey of self-discovery, of finding the most unlikely people to be friends with, rediscovering one’s passion and coming to terms with everything that life dishes out. Amply aided by a rather mellow soundtrack.

    Dulquer Salman is an actor whose movies I haven’t watched till now, but plan to rectify that as soon as I can. He is vulnerable, closed-off, but a decent guy whose softness comes through in his actions. Everything he can’t say or wont is expressively played out on his face. Acting pedigree aside, he is aptly cast as someone who joins the rat race to “make something of himself”, putting aside his actual aspirations on the bullying/ say-so of his well-intentioned but badly-expressed father. His inability to grieve his father’s death with the run-of-the-mill tears and his off-beat eulogy at his father’s prayer are heartfelt, and heartwarmingly portrayed. He can give any highly lauded Bollywood actor a serious run for their money.

    Mithila Palkar is another actor who I haven’t come across earlier. She comes across as a sulky, petulant-at-times child in the movie and while you may not always like her, she’s unapologetic and that’s what she was intended to be. I can’t genuinely say that I liked her acting much but she fit in where she had to and acted how I suppose college kids do.

    Irrfan Khan the main BIG star of the movie, as it were. His Shaukat is irreverent, utterly in his own groove, doing his own thing all through. The movie’s main comedic moments arise out of his utterings and actions. Be it his dismay at every new destination/detour Avinash (Dulquer) seems intent on taking or his reaction to a pretty burqa-clad lady; his stubbornness in carrying on a one-sided conversation with foreigners asking for directions or his fleeting bravado in the face of repo goons, Khan brings not only light-hearted moments to the film but also proves why he is so good. He can share screen space with other actors- big names or otherwise and not have to hog the limelight. He, unlike most of the Bollywood Khans out there, can emote extensively and doesn’t need histrionics or highfalutin dialogues to help him do justice to his part.

    The rest of the cast including Amala Akkineni who is charming in the little screen time she has and is quite likeable and honest in her portrayal of a daughter grieving and celebrating her mother, Beena , Kriti Kharbanda all contribute to the journey that the 3 main characters undertake; revealing the blossoming of Avinash into who he was supposed to be. Akash Khurana could be any Indian dad off the street. He wants security, success for his son and can’t embrace what he doesn’t understand. His flashbacks add more depth to understanding Avinash and the choices he makes. Adding to the charm are two vehicles, one with a coffin tied to its roof and the gorgeousness of Ooty and Kochi.

    The only odd part? The overly loudmouthed boss of Avinash’s company played unconvincingly and rather shoddily by an actor whose name I am unable to locate on Google for some reason. Of course his “asshole quotient” was needed for Avinash to make the final break from the rut he was stuck in, to embrace the vibrancy of the life he always wanted.

    All in all, I saw this movie sitting in the 2nd row with the screen right up front. It was without nachos or popcorn and the hall was kind of cold. But the laughter flowed all through and I found myself misty-eyed at times too. The acting was on par and I was thoroughly entertained. That ticks off everything on my list.

    Rating: 3 out of 5

  • A Peppy Earworm

    “Dale a tu cuerpo alegría Macarena
    Que tu cuerpo es pa’ darle alegría why cosa buena
    Dale a tu cuerpo alegría, Macarena
    Hey Macarena”

    The offspring has been introduced to the joys of Macarena courtesy Hotel Transylvania-3. It was a silly movie with funky songs popping up at silly places but you know kids…they love monsters! And so when everyone from Drac to his cloak started to Macarena with total abandon, it was an eye-popping moment for the monkey.

    We normally wake him up to music because there’s a bunch of them on loop and it beats me having to yell him out of his cocoon inside the covers. It’s a win-win.

    So this morning, without knowing it, while he was getting his residual nap done on the couch, I was getting coffee and his milk ready and realized I was grooving to the song myself!

    And now…it plays at least 5-6 times a day if the offspring’s got his playlist airing for our listening pleasure. While doing the Macarena with him has been fun but having to halt everything to let a Macarena-ing kid cross is wearing out it’s welcome. S-I-G-H