I Came, I Saw, I Was Asked to Do One More Thing

There comes a magical stage in a woman’s life when everyone around her suddenly needs her.

Not wants her. Needs her.

Her elderly parents need her. Her in-laws need her. Her nearly-adult teenager needs her. Her spouse needs her. The household needs her. The dog probably needs her, although at this point she’s considering feeding it motivational quotes and hoping for the best.

Hang on…does she even have a dog? Well, let’s assume if she did, it would need her as well, like everyone else but with more tail action, fur and slobber.

This woman needs a cave. A dark, quiet, temperature-controlled cave with no Wi-Fi, no ringing phones, no WhatsApp messages beginning with “I need help with my…”, and absolutely no one asking, “What should I do about.…

She would like to hibernate. Like a bear. Because, frankly, bears have figured life out. They eat excessively, sleep for months and emerge only when they feel emotionally prepared to deal with the world. And when they growl, no one guilts them for baring their teeth, flashing their claws and wanting to rip things to shreds.

Meanwhile, the middle-aged woman is expected to wake up every morning at an hour that should legally be classified as night, remember people’s schedules (geographically dispersed ones also), locate someone’s missing charger, know the real time location of socks and underwear (clean and otherwise). Check whether her parents have taken their medicines, worry about her in-laws, answer a teenager’s increasingly philosophical questions about absolutely nothing all the while knowing that validating their existential angst will come back and bite her in the ever-widening behind sooner or later. She must then pay bills, organise appointments, buy groceries and somehow remain a pleasant human being.

And preferably moisturised, hydrated and always remembering her sunscreen while stepping out because who wants spotty complexion and wrinkles before they are ready to call themselves old?!