raising kids

Retroblog

7 years ago I published this bit of rant (scroll down) on Facebook notes. I was more than halfway into my first year as a mother and the mini muffin was an adorable individual who was just getting into his groove as a tiny human hurricane.

The text is all in caps to express my overwhelmed state of mind back in the day. Suffice to say writing etiquette was the furthest thing on my mind at that time!

PARENTING 101

AVE DIAPER! THOSE WHO ARE ABOUT TO PLUNGE HEADFIRST INTO DOODOO SALUTE YOU!
NOTE: THOSE WHO ARE ABOUT TO OR WOULD LIKE TO CONCEIVE/GIVE BIRTH KINDLY BEAR IN MIND PRODUCT COMES WITH A NO RETURN&NO EXCHANGE POLICY!!
1) YOUR CHILD HAS THAT ANGELIC-CHERUBIC FACE SO YOU DON’T SLAP THOSE CHEEKS INTO PERMANENT RUDDINESS.
2) YOUR CHILD WILL TIME THE EXPULSION OF FECES&URINE AT THE EXACT MOMENT WHEN YOU CANNOT GET THE DIAPER ON.
3) THE CRYING WILL BEGIN JUST WHEN YOUR BRAIN SIGNALS IT’S TIME TO REST.
4) WILL SPIT UP FOOD ON THE DAY YOU ARE FEELING MOST CONFIDENT ABOUT DINNERTIME BEING A NON-WWF MATCH.
5) YOUR CHILD WILL PRESENT THE AFOREMENTIONED ANGELIC SIDE TO OTHERS, LEAVING THEM TO THINK YOU’RE A LOON FOR CRIBBING ABOUT SUCH A CUTIE-WUTIE IZZUMS!
6) WILL MANAGE TO MAKE YOUR ANGER GO OUT IN A POOF! BY GOING TO SLEEP ON YOUR SHOULDER, MOUTH OPEN, TEETH SHOWING&CHUBBY HANDS HOLDING YOU TIGHTER THAN THEY’D HOLD ANYONE ELSE.
BOTTOM LINE: ADOPT A TEEN INSTEAD. THEY’RE LIKELY TO BE HOUSEBROKEN.
LIKELY.
ADIEU!

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Reblogged: Past Witticisms

Before I’d discovered the joys of blogging on WP, I was on Blogger and Facebook was kind enough to remind me that I published this- http://bouncyrambler.blogspot.in/2012/05/if-harry-potter-were-real.html?m=1 a while back. 

It’s a nod to my love for Harry Potter and the one person who occupies my thoughts almost 24/7-MLM.

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Saturday Bloglet

When your ever-active 7 year-old starts imitating Woody Woodpecker’s laugh before the caffeine has infiltrated your bloodstream and you think he sounds like a cross between a constipated horse and a psychotic clown.

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A Few Words From A SAHM

I am a SAHM. I like writing the abbreviation rather than typing out the whole shebang viz Stay At Home Mom. And I think quite a bit of time and effort is being spent on Mira Rajput and her choice of words regarding her own daughter.

I suppose if I wanted to, I could extrapolate, that when Mira Rajput used the word “puppy” in reference to leaving her child behind at home while she went out to work, she was likening all the children “left behind ” to puppies. It could also be that it was a less than tactful choice of words to describe a situation which is touchy, difficult and something that women can genuinely never really come to terms with, IMHO.

But again IMHO, Mira Rajput is neither a role model for women, of any age, to emulate; nor is she an expert in parenting. She is merely a young woman who is thrust into the limelight because of the man she married and because of whom each and every action of hers is scrutinized and dissected.

Do I think it was an unfortunate choice of words? Yes. Do I think it was maliciously meant and demeaning to women around the world? No. Why not? Because I don’t give a fig about Mira Rajput or her opinions! I am too busy “working” as a SAHM raising my own “puppy”.

Ladies, with all the nonsense that surrounds us in the world these days; can’t we ever let go of the stuff that the media reports? Choose not to get wounded when nouveau celebs express their opinions about random things. Because it’s on their radar, doesn’t mean it should resonate so strongly with you. Or jar you so badly. These people aren’t the last word. Let’s stop giving them the podium and pulpit.

*mike drop*

 

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Wash, Rinse, Repeat

Image courtesy- www.wannasmile.com

My life with MLM of late as been like this-

Me@6:15 am: Get up baby, it’s time for school. (Gives loads of kisses and tousles the porcupine hair, sticking up everywhere because of static)

MLM: answering by snores.

Me (shaking him gently): get up (followed up all sorts of oddly named endearments).

MLM: IdonwannaIissleepyIwant…..trailing off into soft snores.

Me (looking at clock): It’s 6:30 already!! GET UP!

MLM: Idontwantittobe6:30…..

Me (tickling him): Getupgetupgetup!

MLM: FINE!!! and droops over my lap/shoulder/ any place where he can drape his body comfortably.

Me: UP! RIGHT NOW!!

MLM:whyareyoumeantomeyou’renotagoodgirlIdon’twanttobeyourfriendanymoregoawayAyu!!

Me: FINE! Stay that way! (tacking on whatever threat is the most effective at the moment).

MLM: Drags himself out of bed a la The Walking Dead and goes and plops himself onto the couch.

Me: AREYOUKIDDINGME?!! GETUPNOW!!

Red: (stumbling out of bed and frowning) Why are you yelling? (directed at me). Go have your coffee and I’ll handle this.(prepares to be the good cop)

2 minutes later

Red (to me): Go and get him to drink his milk, he’s not listening (absent mindedly goes off to brush his teeth while scratching his left bum cheek. Always the left. Don’t ask me why.)

Me (fully caffeinated and back on the job): COMEON! LET’S GO! WE’RE LATE!

MLM: Idontwantogotoschool!! Iwanttocolor! Iwanttoreadmybook! Idontwanttobathe! BadgirlAyu! I’mnevergoingtobeyourfriend. NEVERNEVERNEVER!!

Ah the joys of parenting and predictability of a sleepy child’s behavior on a winter morning. AND…I get to do this all over again. Tomorrow. And the next day. And the next.

Bliss.

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Reblogged:Reality Bites Hard!

This week, that year. Blogging then. Blogging now.

https://bouncyrambler.blogspot.in/2012/11/reality-bites-hard.html

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Travels With An Impatient Child

Imagine having to catch an early morning flight. With a 6 year old in tow. First there’s the getting up part: which can be smooth as silk or rocky like the mountains depending upon how badly your kid wants to go on the trip.

Then comes the incessant babbling about going to the airport through a mouth full of toothpaste foam, with foam flecks flying in all directions. Always a lovely sight.

Then it’s a linear progression to a series of “Are we there yets?”, “when will the plane take off?”, “when will they get the food, I’m HUNGRY!”

And you’ve been in air for about 20 odd mins, been up for 3 hours and are wondering yet again why you don’t check your kid into cargo when you travel.

Happy Holidays!

Posted from WordPress for Android

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