ode to a wine bottle cork

Germans are known for their precision in all things. This quality has not escaped their wine corks, which have an ability to jump up like champagne corks, hit on right on the cute lil pug nose and knock out all whimsical notions out of you!!
Had spent yesterday in great leisure. Had rolled about, stretched and generally indulged myself thoroughly. It then began to seem to be that this is how things could be and should be FOREVER!!! 
See, the “F” word is very dicey. Even if you’re onto a sure thing, it can still rebound on you in the most unexpected way and make those rose-tinted glasses seem a tad bit obscuring!!
So, there I was happily opening the white wine for dinner and tra-la-laing to myself and then it happened!! RIGHT on the nose!! Literally. 
It was a very sober moi who sipped the wine and ate the dinner last night.

un-fucking believable!!

Management students! BAH! HUMBUG!
I don’t want to sound prissy when I say this but we weren’t like this when we were studying. While being goody-goody DID NOT enter the picture, the level of ignorance, lethargy and the maha lackadaisical attiudes that these people manifest is honestly sickening!!
Time management is alien to the majority, sleeping is THE thing to DO and ass-kissing is the subject they’ll all be doing their Ph.D in I’m sure!
These “future leaders of the industry” are supposed to report to me to get instructions about their interviews and GDs. Now, with 700 students it’s more than slightly tough to schedule both in such a manner that none of the dates clash, none of the classes get missed and more importantly, things get done in time so they get through their courses and get good placements. BUT NOOOO! they HAVE to be late lateefs, they HAVE to come up with lame ass excuses, they HAVE to wring their hands at the end of it and many resort to a misplaced sense of community-feeling by starting off in my native language so I’ll cut them some slack. YEAH RIGHT!!!!
You ask them some regular stuff, just current affairs and DUH-NESS starts to emanate from them and stink up the place! 
Arcelor? Was he a character in LOTR?
Blossom Kochchar as an entrepreneur? Woh kaun hai?
Missed a class? Ma’am I dint see the notice about the guest lecture. But i saw the one next to it about the SPICMACAY concert. DUH! DUH! DUH!!
Where’s the signature?. Ma’am like, I gave my pen to my friend Ma’am and like he’s not yet given it back to me so like I couldn’t sign there Ma’am.
Please write the GD topics- MA’AM, like kahan pe do we write the GD topic? (Reply) Where it says GD TOPIC and has a BIG LINE DRAWN. (Student) Like, OH!

LORD, either up their IQs or bring mine down a notch so we can all talk to each other and be understoof. Am feeling enough of an alien as it is. The Indian economy and corporations aint seen nothing yet. The (corporate) devil’s rejects are coming to claim their prey!!

life uptil now.

  1. helen fielding is GOD! a funny one too.
  2. # of victims claimed by window sill this month-5
  3. # of times I’ve not kept the temple date-3
  4. # of times I’ve dozed off in meetings with the eyes wide open-too often to count.
  5. # of times I’ve wondered why something is called a kazoo-3
  6. # of times i’ve fought with patrodz this week-endlessly
  7. # of times I’ve been keeping taal with “chaand sifaarish”-everytime&have a callus to prove it.
  8. # of times I’ve wondered if I can find 10 things to write about in this post-10xs

ADIEU!!

u know you need life outside work when…

when you see an auto which has “JUNG” written on the back and you think to yourself, “WOW!! auto guy into Jung!”
and then realisation dawns and you feel like a fool for thinking that Carl Gustav Jung and the hindi movie Jung could ever be equated on the same plane.
The other colleagues sympathetically do the tch tch sound and agree that you all should get away from the theories of psychology and take a break where the only therapy anyone will be undergoing will be you! in the form of sun, fun and LOTSA sleep!!
for the time being, Jung dear hold on, am just about to catch up :o(

tis a sad day indeed when…

  • You find yourself spouting hindi film dialogues at a person. Thankfully NOT these- “main tumhara bachchey ki maa banneywali hoon”. But more these a la the muchchhad thakurs viz” saaley!! apni haisiyat dekh!, teri aukaad kya hai?!!” along the lines of “kahan TUM aur kahan MAIN”
  •  You find NTR junior looking down at your from all the billboards in hyd’bad in his “i’m-too-sexy-for-my-shirt” kinda avatar and you hear dumb giggling girls going, “he’s chaala cute!”
  • A lil kid goes, “you’re HOW OLD? I thought you were 15!!” You get all happy thinking the youthful countenance is holding you good. But then the tot comes out with the reason behind her declaration viz” You’re like this BIG KID, coz you know about cartoons’n’stuff and you dont seem mature like the other big kids at all! and you’re not that BIG so…”  the sensation of being a deflated balloon comes very close to this one.
  • Walking into a class where you’re supposed to be assuming a serious posture and the student goes, “YOU’RE the MA’AM we’re supposed to meet?” You get by only with the supercilious sneer and the promise of the marks you hold in your hand and those which he cant afford to lose.

Aye, tis a sad, sad day indeed laddie….

 

chaandi raat. tum, main aur himmesh?!!

it was a NICE nite. still is as a matter of fact.
x&y walked along the pavement,hands gently nudging,content in their silence.
they spent a few precious moments under the shade of a tree whose boughs were swaying in the breeze…tres romantique!
yes it was.
they stopped an auto and got in…the dark interiors shielding them from the outside world, the jarring horns, the racing cars what not!
they leant towards each other, hands clasped and then it happened! HIMMESH burst out from the LOUD (and i mean loud) speakers of the auto and totally scared the pants of them both!!
ah, young love!
 fuelled by the nasal, help-my-nuts-are-in-a-vice-that’s-why-i-sing-like-this kinda voiced HR…cupid’s arrows struck bang on target. in the gullet!
if they each seemed a wee bit shaken when they parted from each other then ask the auto guy…he was there. he knows what did not happen although the mood was so clearly full of romance and himmesh’s songs can make anyone moonstruck!
where’s dean martin when u need him?

8 years since MCC

8 years ago, 5 girls got acquainted at MCC B’lore and took to each other like ducks to water. They weren’t the starry-eyed FOTB at college but the kind of crowd they saw at MCC did make them think, “oh wow!”. 
Time went by, endless cups of coffee were shared at Chechi’s canteen. Chechi had long stopped being Chechi but she was handed down to each new batch in her same avatar.
They devised schedules, where 3 of them slept in class and the other 2 diligently took notes. They had some credos to live by too- always make sure the friend gets to have her hurrahs while in college, make sure the Christ College  and St.Joseph’s men are marked out in a crowd, never let men come in between us, be each others’ alibis when lying to the parents and generally embody the vitamin c song.
And it worked! whether it was to hog on totapuris outside the college gates, ragging the poor menfolks who ventured into MCC, pooling money together to have gobi manchurian at Pandu’s and being united against the forces of evil profs, life was going very well indeed!

Then came the men. They went away also but left each one a little bit wiser, happier, more alert, choosier, more cynical and more than anything else…hungry for more!! 
The english litt classes were for pontificating on the nuances, the psycho classes were for experimenting and the journo classes were to make fun of the inept teachers who had dared to brave the first years and hadnt learnt their lesson in the 3 years that we were their burdens.

Trouble came too. splitting the group in its wake. But the 2 factions always kept mum about the rift and airing it out in public was unthinkable. We did our bitching in private, thank you very much! 
And so it continued, 5  friends (now 2+3), each an inseparable part of each others’ lives and families, knowing when to be all girly, knowing when to say “be a man”, an integral part of each others’ families and more importantly a catalyst in those years when we come into our own.
3 of those girls are now married,  with 1 contemplating divorce, one about to elope any day and one meandering through life still thinking if she can give up men altogether.
What holds them together? Why the bitching years at college of course!
Happy 8th guys!

and on we go…

limping back to normalcy.
got in touch with some of my friends pretty late in the night and felt somewhat comforted by it.
had been caught in a similar situation myself pretty much around the same time in 2003. Not a good thing to be in. There are lock-downs, you cannot get in touch with anyone, neither can anyone get to you. you might as well be as island for the amount of communication you can indulge in.
but seeing the news today morning made me feel better but only to some extent. how long will these things go on? my mom was supposed to be in and around srinagar at this time. had fought with her not to go on the amarnath trip after one of the routes on their agenda had several incidences of bombs being chucked into the tourist buses. am relieved over that i must say!
are we secure anywhere? the trains have been suspended between gujarat and b’bay for the time being. i heard from a friend that even places in hyd’bad are on alert.
these incidents are the perfect breeding grounds for fear psychoses.
why not just have a referendum and just let Kashmir be free? then they can squabble amongst themselves and even kill themselves if need be but we wont be in the picture. not entirely.
i mean, how much does it pinch us when there are car bombs exploding in palestine? not much anymore because it’s practically a part of their staple diet now. but when things happen in our own country it’s tantamount to trouble coming home to roost.
blah!! still have a bad taste in my mouth…

country of fools!

got up and heard the story of zidane giving into his goatish tendencies and felt the man’s a giant ass!
your last world cup (by your own accounts) and this is how you exit? oh yeah, really graceful buddy.
and then spread all over the TOI is the news of the destruction wreaked by the shiv sainiks, yet again.
these people should be declared as persona non grata at the earliest.
some idiot smears mud on the face of thackeray’s wife’s statue and dadar is burning and 1/2 of b’bay is under curfew. who was she anyway? not that her not being anyone great justificies the defacement. but why burn buses, break other peoples’ cars and windows over one silly act?
and they’ve given an ultimatum wherein the guilty party has a few hours before they apologise, failing which “balasaheb” will decide upon the next course of action. indeed!!
arrogant old fart!
this is the kind of pandering which has led to the country being run by morons, who are elected by yet another bunch of morons and catering to the rest of the morons.

MORAL  OF THE STORY-we’re all morons if we let this continue!

the chikun got me….i think

there’s this weirdass viral fever doing the rounds in AP. something called chikungunya. it’s supposed to originate from guinea fowls ergo the “chikun” part. and gunya’s a vikriti of guinea…
anyhoo,have started the prophylactics and am staying FAAR away from the colleagues who’ve become casualties but i think i’ll succumb…lotsa symptoms already manifesting.
had weird dreams at night….was reading the anne of green gables series and had watched a weird movie called old boy at night. so the resulting dreams were an ODD juxtaposition of the innocence created by L.M.Montogomery and the freakish hell created by the Chan Woo Park.
actually, the movie wasnt bad by any stretch of the imagination. possibly i’d had different kind of expectation since i’d read the spoilers for it on wiki much before, so a side-by-side comparison was going on throughout.
i was telling a friend of mine that my notions of orientals was quite stereotypical…demure,very steeped in values and non-abrasive,non-confrontational kind of people. you know, how a yank seems brash?well orientals are the diametrical opposite of that. but their movies seem to capture all the “repressed” stuff and then some!
of course i havent watched too many of them to make this kind of a sweeping judgement but the few i’ve seen generally do address taboo topics and the latent brutality of men,with a lot of gusto.

OOOK sneezed 5 times in a row and the nose hurts! am sitting like a hobo, with a big red nose and lil balls of tissue all strewn around to commerate the night-long coughing,sneezing fits. 
maybe it’s the cough syrup,the homoeo meds and the antibiotics but have been quite sensitive to the sounds of hyd’bad waking up all around. it’s strange but there’s no doodhwala who comes at the crack of dawn here…delhi,b’bay, cal…could always remember the bihari doodhwala who’d come while it’s still dark outside to start his rounds. in most places the doodhwala serves as a wake-up call for all his customers…
ok have to go inhale some stuff, my nose is feeling like a separate entity from my bod…S-I-G-H (followed by coughing spasm…ouch)