A Forced Hiatus

I type this out, with the middle finger of my left hand raised and ostensibly flipping off the world at large. But that’s not so. I’m not that angsty. Or am I?

A few days ago I tried to save a silly glass from toppling over in the wind. The wind was gusty and the glass was flimsy. The breaking of the glass and my hand reaching out to save it happened simultaneously. Long story short- there was lots of blood, stitches and waiting in the emergency room, breathing in the hospital smell while the nerve that got nicked twanged on furiously. Ergo the raised middle finger that cannot bend.

I’m currently down with what’s called Neuropraxia. And Wikipedia very nicely and accurately describes it as thus, “Neurapraxia is a disorder of the peripheral nervous system in which there is a temporary loss of motor and sensory function due to blockage of nerve conduction, usually lasting an average of six to eight weeks before full recovery.”

For a person who talks with her hands as much as she does with her mouth (it’s a toss-up which one gets more weightage), it’s been VERY, VERY uncomfortable. Barring the episiotomy that I had while having T.O, I’ve never needed any surgical intervention and I was happy with that. And no…I won’t define an episiotomy! Those who know what it is are already shuddering; I don’t want the general populace cringing as well.

But back to flipping the bird. It’s not fun. It’s not remotely fun because after you exhaust all the middle finger jokes, you’re left with a finger that keeps sending electric-bolts like shocks up and down your hand and sometimes through your body; making your freeze in your tracks like an extended (and sometimes perverse) game of Statue!!

But all my bellyaching aside, it’s great to get some mobility back in the finger. And yes, I perpetually do give everyone in the vicinity ‘the bird’; whether warranted or not. Most importantly, the learning from this has been immense! Always drink whiskey. The glasses are sturdier and don’t shatter at the first contact with another object.

Nuff said.

Image result for middle finger meme

A Quick Getaway

Birthdays can be hectic, even without all the trappings of a “proper” birthday party.

The Offspring (T.O), who shall not be referred to as MLM anymore, had a relatively no frills birthday this time around and while that didn’t translate to no fun; it was still quite low-key. Be as that may, we are currently on a mini-getaway from it all. 

We’re vegetating at a place in the outskirts of the city and it’s quite relaxing. Red’s watching cricket, T.O is enjoying his weekend of digital media and is eyeballs deep into his favorite movies and I SLEPT for 2 hours in the afternoon after what seems like a lifetime.

We aren’t doing anything special or out of the ordinary here. We’re holed up in the room or in the little porch outside the room and it feels nice. The feeling of being somewhere else. Not *having* to do anything in particular feels just dandy.

It’s been raining all day long and given the absence of cars and traffic, the sound of the rains and lack of city noise has been quite refreshing. I observed a beetle(?) keep its balance on a blade of grass for a long while and chalked it up to a ‘stopping to smell the roses’ kinda moment.

A fairly sybaritic way to unwind if I look at it very dispassionately but hey! I slept for 2 hours in the afternoon…it’s totally worth it.

Signing off.

Movie Review: The Meg

Ever since I was a cute little girl and got introduced to killer sharks by my semi-misguided parents who thought it was ok to take a 2 year to a creature flick; I have sought out shark movies.

I have watched the good ones viz Jaws, Deep Blue Sea, The Shallows and its rather limited ilk.

I have also watched the meh-kinds viz like Shark Night 3D and its bretheren of which there are more.

The same goes for the ” it’s so bad it’s good” category under which umbrella Sharknado totally rules the roost!

But today I watched the mostly boring movie: The Meg. I can’t say Steve Alten is spinning in his grave somewhere because he is alive and kickin’ but I don’t see how he willingly gave the script of this movie his blessings.

With many departures from the riveting book, the movie features a tired Jason Statham, a humongous shark, lots of explosions and mainly people falling in water. Everyone else is a bit player with hokey dialogues and an ability to scream when they’re about to die.

If you’re a creature movie enthusiast and are curious about the film, aren’t into piracy, then paying the price of the ticket would be worth it. Else give it a miss. Barring the expected jolts one gets with the shark breaching or looming up behind, this movie is a dud. 

The cinematography isn’t flat but the use of drone photography probably does a bit to make it visually less BLAH.

All in all, it’s a yawn fest for a Friday night.

Rating: 1 out of 5.

9

Red and I completed 9 years in our parenting journey. They have been a lot of things but never dull. 

We were handed a longish and skinny baby who filled out quickly enough and we couldn’t stop nom-noming on his cheeks, his nose and all his little limbs.

You have never been digustingly mushy and annoyingly gagworthy till you have a kid. The most absurd nonsense erupts from your lips. Goo-goo gaga seems normal. You string together the weirdest rhymes and play horsey and never think of your dignity at all.

Your offspring could be a bald, drooly, raspberry-blowing run-of-the-mill infant and you beam the instant you lay eyes upon him and think…isn’t that the most beautiful baby the world ever saw?! And the annoying baby talk starts all over again while the baby in question gazes at you in mild exasperation.

Time passes…baby gets weaned off, learns to poop at the right time, the right place and thankfully in the right way. He goes off to school and you keep watching for tears and separation anxiety; never realizing you’re the one going through it. The child will bounce back sooner than you.

Kindergarten gives way to grade school and then a laptop-toting 9 year old tells you exactly what they want for their birthday right down to the guest list, food menu and how they want to celebrate.

The next day you’re dragging their butt out of bed so they can get back on the school grind and the child is suffering from a post-party hangover. They are stuck to the floor doing a 500-piece dino puzzle and you’re giving them a minute-by-minute update of how late you’re getting and how the bus won’t wait and you see the same tot who looked at you with fuzzy eyes and no idea of how the world works. He’s not really 9..he’s still your baby.

Awww

Movie Review: Karwaan

Image result for karwaan poster

I’d like to start off by saying- Go watch it. It may not be something you’d want to watch again and again. But you’d like it if ,you did watch it just the once.

This is what Karwaan isn’t:

  • It’s not a screwball comedy a la It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
  • It’s not a road trip movie alone.
  • It’s not just a buddy-buddy movie.
  • The main actors do not fall in love with each other.
  • No one breaks out into a song and dance to express their emotions or thoughts.

And this is what Karwaan is– a journey of self-discovery, of finding the most unlikely people to be friends with, rediscovering one’s passion and coming to terms with everything that life dishes out. Amply aided by a rather mellow soundtrack.

Dulquer Salman is an actor whose movies I haven’t watched till now, but plan to rectify that as soon as I can. He is vulnerable, closed-off, but a decent guy whose softness comes through in his actions. Everything he can’t say or wont is expressively played out on his face. Acting pedigree aside, he is aptly cast as someone who joins the rat race to “make something of himself”, putting aside his actual aspirations on the bullying/ say-so of his well-intentioned but badly-expressed father. His inability to grieve his father’s death with the run-of-the-mill tears and his off-beat eulogy at his father’s prayer are heartfelt, and heartwarmingly portrayed. He can give any highly lauded Bollywood actor a serious run for their money.

Mithila Palkar is another actor who I haven’t come across earlier. She comes across as a sulky, petulant-at-times child in the movie and while you may not always like her, she’s unapologetic and that’s what she was intended to be. I can’t genuinely say that I liked her acting much but she fit in where she had to and acted how I suppose college kids do.

Irrfan Khan the main BIG star of the movie, as it were. His Shaukat is irreverent, utterly in his own groove, doing his own thing all through. The movie’s main comedic moments arise out of his utterings and actions. Be it his dismay at every new destination/detour Avinash (Dulquer) seems intent on taking or his reaction to a pretty burqa-clad lady; his stubbornness in carrying on a one-sided conversation with foreigners asking for directions or his fleeting bravado in the face of repo goons, Khan brings not only light-hearted moments to the film but also proves why he is so good. He can share screen space with other actors- big names or otherwise and not have to hog the limelight. He, unlike most of the Bollywood Khans out there, can emote extensively and doesn’t need histrionics or highfalutin dialogues to help him do justice to his part.

The rest of the cast including Amala Akkineni who is charming in the little screen time she has and is quite likeable and honest in her portrayal of a daughter grieving and celebrating her mother, Beena , Kriti Kharbanda all contribute to the journey that the 3 main characters undertake; revealing the blossoming of Avinash into who he was supposed to be. Akash Khurana could be any Indian dad off the street. He wants security, success for his son and can’t embrace what he doesn’t understand. His flashbacks add more depth to understanding Avinash and the choices he makes. Adding to the charm are two vehicles, one with a coffin tied to its roof and the gorgeousness of Ooty and Kochi.

The only odd part? The overly loudmouthed boss of Avinash’s company played unconvincingly and rather shoddily by an actor whose name I am unable to locate on Google for some reason. Of course his “asshole quotient” was needed for Avinash to make the final break from the rut he was stuck in, to embrace the vibrancy of the life he always wanted.

All in all, I saw this movie sitting in the 2nd row with the screen right up front. It was without nachos or popcorn and the hall was kind of cold. But the laughter flowed all through and I found myself misty-eyed at times too. The acting was on par and I was thoroughly entertained. That ticks off everything on my list.

Rating: 3 out of 5

A Peppy Earworm

Dale a tu cuerpo alegría Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa’ darle alegría why cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegría, Macarena
Hey Macarena

The offspring has been introduced to the joys of Macarena courtesy Hotel Transylvania-3. It was a silly movie with funky songs popping up at silly places but you know kids…they love monsters! And so when everyone from Drac to his cloak started to Macarena with total abandon, it was an eye-popping moment for the monkey.

We normally wake him up to music because there’s a bunch of them on loop and it beats me having to yell him out of his cocoon inside the covers. It’s a win-win.

So this morning, without knowing it, while he was getting his residual nap done on the couch, I was getting coffee and his milk ready and realized I was grooving to the song myself!

And now…it plays at least 5-6 times a day if the offspring’s got his playlist airing for our listening pleasure. While doing the Macarena with him has been fun but having to halt everything to let a Macarena-ing kid cross is wearing out it’s welcome. S-I-G-H

Counting To 20

Today, I was QUITE miffed. I don’t like driving in traffic. There are moronic men who act like it’s ok to keep honking while we’re at a red light, behind a sea of cars. There are also auto drivers who have their heads so far up their ass that they can effectively do a quick check on their tonsils (see…QUITE MIFFED).

So in the midst of all this, when I still drive out to a distance not terribly close by for an appointment I consider important and I have to cool my heels till it becomes evident that the meeting ain’t gonna happen; it awakens the small kraken within. I have krakens of different sizes depending upon the situation.

Image result for angry kraken gif

I think it’s a short-tempered, short-person thing. Anyhow, my usual reflexive action is to get loud and then louder. And send out biting emails. Today, I don’t know why, I drank half the bottle of water I was carrying with me and that effectively silenced the monster for that time.

When the person who stood me up got in touch and apologized, I was still tempted to be sarcastic but it seemed like too much of an effort. I rescheduled the meeting online instead, at a time convenient for me and hopefully the work will get done this time around.

I could have “expressed my displeasure” which is as shoddy an euphemism for getting the beeyotch groove on. Surprise, surprise…I am growing up. Old too but growing up for sure. So the next time, counting to 10 doesn’t get the flames extinguished, count to 20.

Image result for calm the bleep down