Random. Structured. Haphazard. All Me.
A Tangled Yarn of Thoughts Being Unravelled…
TO was working on a music assignment for school where he kept sharing bits and pieces of Western Classical music with me and saying what it felt like for him.
Then came the zinger- “Ayu this guy Bitch makes good music!” and he showed me the laptop screen which had this-
I have experience firsthand with only one child and that’s not counting the immature people in my life who refuse to grow up. I have one child. ONE. TO. But he might as well be part of a set of triplets the way he acts at times.
One minute loving, sweet and the cutest kid in the whole world followed by split personality#1 who I would gladly leave at someone’s door along with split personality#2 who needs a whack on his butt before being left on someone’s doorstep.
But all motherly love aside, it’s a tough time to be a kid.
Kids are meant to run free, be wild, let loose loud war cries, jump like they have springs on their feet and try to fly like gravity doesn’t exist. They’re meant to climb trees, wipe dirty hands on t-shirts, sneak ice cream on the days all cold stuff is off-limits and basically just do whatever their self-indulgent little minds tell them to do! But with the blessings of the Corona Goddess, life’s changed and not necessarily for the better!
The freedom to run out the door at will and share candy and chips out of the same packet is a thing of the past. Not washing hands is a crime punishable by a near court martial and soaps+ sanitisers are the new best friends they’ve been compelled to let into their lives. I’m not even going to touch upon the pain and anguish that face masks cause! Uff..someone call Amnesty International!
On the rare days kids get up early, they’d like to laze around, catch up on all the cricket scores from the previous night’s match and not necessarily spend their time “productively” or do a quick check to see if everything’s ready for the day’s classes.
Their parents on the other hand, mean mothers especially, intervene; insisting on them heading outside to catch some sunshine, walk or cycle and start their day “on a good note”. Pcch! Cinderella had it better!
Moms get in the way of everything! Making friends with dogs, petting dogs, getting a dog! I mean who wants to worry about a tiny thing like allergies when faced with years of boisterous fun with a fellow tail wagger…wait that came out wrong. My child is not a puppy. He merely acts like one.
Moms are also the worst when they start outlining every area of the body which seems dirty and needs scrubbing. Offering to do it themselves if it’s not done properly the first time around.
And the insistence on baths is just mind boggling! Why would someone bathe twice a day? Once a week is enough isn’t it? And just who is going to be looking at the back of someone’s neck with such pretty eyes, chubby cheeks and a killer smile gracing the visage?!
Poor, poor kids…what a hardship it must be to have to live well, sleep on time, change clothes and not look like a hobo, eat veggies&fruits and be clean.
A good amount of my screen time is devoted to Instagram and I constantly keep finding things there that keep me interested or are the new fad for me if you will.
Found this page that I keep going back to. And while I was there last time, I found this song by this guy. Check it out.
And just like that, watching this kid shuffling and moonwalking across the streets, the malls and pretty much everywhere is the new stress buster. Of course, the cat videos will never be off the table!
Enjoy!
For everything else there *is* Mastercard. Or Visa as the case may be.
Let’s start with a bit of a context for this statement to make sense to those it hasn’t. My father’s a career banker. He has hopped all over the country before retirement and taken us with him. And while many don’t like the gypsy life, if you’re born into it; you don’t know any different.
In every place we lived in, local sightseeing spots, some out of the way spots- nothing was left to be explored. And during holidays, we explored places which were doable (7-8 hours in usually a white Ambassador without AC) and that was not only an eminently acceptable way of spending time as a family- it was the norm. No place was left out- religious ones, historical ones, architecturally renowned ones…nothing. As a result, traveling was understood as what “one did” because something was out there and it was meant to be seen.
After the initial bouts of motion sickness passed, we would sleep turn by turn. My mother would always be very strict about nodding off while sitting next to a driver, those being the days before airbags and seatbelt’s in India, and anyhow who needed to snooze would need to head to the backseat and another person would replace them up front.
If the terrain was unendingly dull and unchanging, I would be asked to play word games or just conk off till we reached the next rest stop. Stocking up on a list of junk food curated by the child was an unheard concept till our generation became parents and the kids became the ones who dictated how the holidays would be spent.
And while having money was an enabler then, is one now and will always continue to be one, the focus wasn’t ever on going to “good places”, staying in a posh hotel or having a pool to jump into at the end of the journey. It was all about the parents opening the eyes of their child to everything they could about the country they lived in because the knowledge could help them in a future geography test. Kidding…
I remember very little about Lucknow- I think I saw it as a toddler. I have vague recollections of seeing goldfish somewhere and my mother said it was in the Chhota Imambara.
When we moved to Delhi, Appu Ghar was a favourite that I got to indulge in infrequently. But we went to Surajkund quite a few times and it was fun for a preschooler!
I remember skipping and jumping on the steps and being told to be careful and not fall into the dirty, stagnant water-yes..that was my mother’s worry. I don’t think she’d have minded a dunking in free-flowing water much.
I have lovely memories of Koliyak in Bhavnagar as an 8 year old and even better ones as a 20 year old on a return trip to the place.
The Queens Botanical Gardens, the Orchid shows, the trips to The World Trade Center, Bronx Aquarium and of course Coney Island were par for course since those are outright sight seeing spots but those have been the kind we visited the least.
We would still hop in the car and take off for whichever river, dam, temple, palace was worth seeing-never mind how far. The further it was just meant the earlier you got out of bed to start off. And over the years indelible memories have been formed at Menal during the monsoons and at Bundi which we just swung by since it was “close by”.
Of course the memories of eating pipping hot mirchi bhajjiyas in the pouring rain, on the side of the road also stands out vividly. Our driver, Chhattarsingh ji used to drive a tank in the army before he retired and joined the bank and the car used to be a toy in his hands. He loved to take us around the different tourists spots and would never say no to a hot cuppa!
We’ve done pav-bhaaji picnics sitting near the Mahi River, eaten deliciously unique cold curd set in stone plates after climbing up 7000 steps to the Palitana temple. I’ve travelled through pouring rains on a Kinetic that clearly was more than up to the task to see the Champaner fort and then semi-trekked up to the extremely crowded Pavagadh hills. And it’s all been terribly interesting to say the least!
The ruins of Dholavira, the terracotta temples in Bishnupur, the Gol Gumbaz up close, wandering around lazily in Bidar fort, crossing over on the ferry in Hampi and coming face to face with him- cannot be replaced!
In this year and in the months to come, any sort of travel may seem like an indulgence because of the risks associated with it and yet people will and are stepping out.
They are opting for road trips, choosing their next travel experience with more diligence and curiosity than ever before because traveling was never something that anyone was told they couldn’t do. Staying at home under duress was never a condition we had to wrap our heads around.
So when given the option to indulge- materialistically, gastronomically or whichever -ally it may be…try and choose an experience related to travel. It’ll stay with you always and you’ll be replaying bits and pieces of it in your head over the years to come.
Cannot put a price on that!
I write a LOT about parenting. Usually in states of bewilderment or gripes because while it’s a beautiful thing to experience (NOT) it is REPLETE with pitfalls, second-guessing oneself and for me: a usually irresistible urge to flip someone off.
I know plenty of people who have kids and extol the experience to the heavens and can’t imagine a time when their little princesses and princes didn’t seamlessly fit into their lives, But the Bell Curve being what it is, there are plenty of us out there who go through various levels of WTF-ing pretty much throughout entire parenting process.
For the most part, once you get over the notion that there is no returning this particular gift, is when you can get down to brass tacks and start the actual process of parenting.
And while amongst the people who are co-parenting together, there will be a fly-off-the-handle person vs a I-won’t-fly-off-the-handle-and-you-can’t-make-me person, the facts remain that until your kid does something that you never expected, you don’t have a response that will either have a) a desired effect of teaching a child a behaviour that is acceptable or b) come back and bite you in the ass at the most inopportune time.
Child-rearing for me has largely been divided into TWO major parts for till now: I. where I was in control and II. where the control has slipped and the slippery slope it’s on is unending.
This is not to say I have an immensely difficult child. I have a HUGELY expressive child who Red and I have encouraged to be curious, expressive and be friendly with us. And therein lies the rub. Because once you open the stable door to the “Be-Friends-With-Your-Kids” stall, the “You’re-My-Friend-And-Not-My-Boss-So-You-Can-Suck-It horse bolts and catching it is TOUGH!!
I have a beautiful child. He’s pretty. Has long lashes, a cute face and was generally considered a damn cute kid even by those who don’t fawn over kids to the extent of inducing nausea in others. And I LOVED every single atom in his body. Even down to the stinky-diaper covered bits.
But then he started growing up. I thought it would be great fun! Mother and son colouring like we were tripping on shrooms, laughing, dancing and generally having those memorable moments you like to look back at and beam proudly at. Instead so many days go by when I think, “Dang, again? Screw it..I’ll just spend the day doing virtual retail therapy and living in the Kindle world because it’s nicer there and no one gives me attitude!”
And that in a nutshell is what life with a pre-teen, teen and often a young adult child shapes up to be. You don’t entirely know where you took a wrong turn in your parenting journey; just that while you still love the kid down to his atoms; you wouldn’t mind throwing a pie in his face and cackling like an evil witch because he is kinda hard to like every, single, damn day!
What is also pretty hard to do after a particular age is the recalibration of one’s self, personality, reactivity to issues because you can’t stay who you were while parenting. Not entirely anyhow. And those who claim that “nothing’s changed at all!” are either getting paid by Pampers and other baby/ kiddy product companies to have loving smiles pasted on their faces but the rest of us know the dark truth- Once you have kids…you go to the dark side. And pretty much end up camping there for good.
Because while the kids are still evolving, you have largely evolved but will need to devolve to some extent to get to a place where toothpaste on top of the shower cubicle isn’t a reason to freak out and don your best gormless look. Where impromptu hair and eyelash cuts aren’t a weird thing, where creepy crawlies are plush toys your kid hugs while sleeping and where every problem is solvable (temporarily) with a healthy dose of Netflix and eating like a human vacuum cleaner.
So you do the same dance every day where you talk, talk and talk and they don’t listen, dance around while they should be paying attention and basically acting like life’s an endless Spring Break! Occasionally you go silent because it seems pointless to be in a S.S.N.D kind of situation but then comes a small hand on your shoulder and they agree to play ball…just for a bit though…and you grab on and hope you can make it last!
After a slightly longer than usual week where TO tested positive and then negative for Covid; we are back to enjoying family time around the dining table. And it feels great! It’s lovely hearing him prattle along where I can share those amused side-eye glances with Red instead of the three of us being in different parts of the house and staying apart out of necessity.
Everything from triple-decker sandwiches to Elon Musk to mutation gets discussed if TO is game and if Red’s in the mood to indulge in curiosity; which he usually is. I usually eat when I sit at the dining table and my mouth doesn’t open for much else.
Speaking of Mr.Musk, his latest announcement (read it here) was being discussed at the table when TO said it was both illegal and dangerous. When Red tried to tell him how it might be beneficial, TO said he thought people who put things in other peoples’ heads were the “M-word”. He actually said it as the “M-word”.
Now this is where a bit of a backstory is needed. I’m an ok driver. I’m not so much of an ok-curser. I curse. In 3 languages no less depending upon the mood I’m in and SADLY on many of those occasions, an impressionable but thankfully distractible child has been sitting behind me and has absorbed quite a few of those choice words.
Let it be known that the same child still has to be told a million times about where his dirty clothes ought to go or why the sticky peanut buttered-spoon shouldn’t end up on the sofa upholstery but when his mother questions someone’s parentage or expresses her views on where a person can take their turn signal and how far up they can stick it up a body cavity; his ears become like this-
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Anyhoo, with TO dropping something akin to a potential A-bomb (for me) at the dining table, Red and I asked him uber casually what he thought the “M-word” was and my heart sprouted wings and flew away when he mouthed the word- MORON.
Thank you Galactic Ameba…I still have more time left before Red dishes out one of these looks at me again-
I think it suffices to say that it has been a wonky year. For me I would push it back a bit more to the trip to Spain which had an unfortunate moment (read about it here) followed by other learnings+incidents that have led up to me sitting on the couch before the alarm goes off, early on a Friday morning. Only a hermit entirely cut off from the world around them will know that things are less than ideal.
Since mid-March our experiences have been like nothing else we’ve ever gone through till now. A mask and gloves are as essential as clothes. Washing hands has been elevated to a THING with everyone from celebs to cartoon characters demonstrating the optimum time and best way to do it. My friend’s chubby-cheeked 2 year old learnt to wash her hands with an efficiency that surpassed that of people 10xs her age and we dealt with the dreaded C-word in our own home before long.
And I would like to say that “it has passed” but it hasn’t. The positive sign has been flipped to negative and people in isolation are out and about with hugs and kisses being given freely again. But the unknowns about this disease being what it is, one doesn’t entirely feel safe.
Either paranoia rules or people get into the mode of what Trump has shined a major spotlight on- “it is what it is“
I usually get through my tough times by making jokes, talking or writing about them (read it here). Helps to purge the system in a way but over the past few days it was as if my hands and brain decided they were at war. If one was active, the other decided to be entirely inert and passive.
The hands were itching to write but the mind refused to give up its thoughts. When the mind bubbled over, the hands seemed to be heavily weighed down and didn’t want to type out the words.
And yet we got through because of family, friends and most importantly; a wonderful support system that I saw spring up since the start of the first Covid cases in my community.
People called, sent food, sent good wishes, prayed over us, went above and beyond to look out for us and ultimately kept us going.
We in turn looked at lightening the load a bit by listening to music, eating healthy, watching stand up comedy and talking things out with people we love.
There were daily Nerf wars at home which is the only time I have been happy and comfortable with the idea of shootouts.
So while it can seem very confusing, frustrating and even depressing to not know when things will “get back to normal”, what has become evident is we cannot go back to where we were; we can only go forward. Have a plan in place for what to do if the worst case scenario comes to be, call on the Galactic Ameba about it never happening and if the universe still decides not to play ball- just ride it out the best you can. It get easier as the days go by.
We’ve had online classes, meetings, birthdays, fitness classes, doctors’ consultations and begun to view sanitisers as an extension of our own limbs.
We have learnt to bump elbows to say hello and our knuckles haven’t been used to this extent since before Man learnt to stand up straight and walk.
We have learnt to prioritise to a large extent about what is important and what we can let go of. What will necessitate stepping out the house Vs what is an indulgence that will require another 10-15 of sanitising 10 different surfaces before any kind of enjoyment can be derived out of it.
We’ve learnt that while indulgence is satisfying, it can come with a price at the end of the day. We’ve learnt to care more about the place we live in since we are responsible for the upkeep of it in a way we weren’t earlier and we have learnt to count out blessings. Anew.
Don’t get me wrong; I am not turning into a 24/7 chipper person. I still feel like getting into a Three Stooges-mode and throwing a pie in the face of a-constantly happy and positive person.
I still don’t like those forwards about happiness, maxims and goody-goody platitudes on social media every time I blink but I am genuinely grateful for that Positive that turned into a Negative and have realised that in a world that seems upside down; you can still be standing right side up.
P.S: I haven’t suddenly turned into a cat lady. But cat and especially kitten videos have really been cheering me up. Curative- mind and body both…whoda thunk!
Salut!
Kondapochamma Sagar Reservoir! Read about the place here.
Ever since the papers published news of a newly inaugurated reservoir in the outskirts of the city, hordes of Hyderabadis have been heading out with with that target in mind- Kondapochamma Sagar or bust!
And since it had been well over a month that we had stepped out as a family, we decided to see what the fuss about all about and took off yesterday in the pouring rains, with some (unhealthy) snacks for TO, some (proper) lunch for us three and loads of music.
Some could call the day dreary but the three of us liked it quite a bit. With lush greenery on both sides of the road and a fine mist all around, it was soothing and clean with the rains washing away all the dust and grime that piles up. And in this weather, some sights stand out more than others…
We saw some sights, munched on snacks, gave TO the stink-eye for wanting too much junk food and enjoyed the cold rain. I would choose rain over being indoors and worrying about the state of the world anyway! Happy weekend people. Go out and take a break…we’ll have enough time to come back and ponder upon the whys and wherefores in the months to come!
This morning I was startled awake by a different kind of ringing sound that am not used to hearing.
I jumped out of bed trying to locate it when the lit screen of the iPad alerted me to an incoming FaceTime call.
I rushed over to see an unknown US number and connected the call to see two little kids happily walking around in the sun and trying desperately to get my attention by yelling, “Hey! Where are you? Why can’t we see you? ARE YOU THERE???!!”
I tried to answer and tell them that it was a wrong number but the call dropped and from then on every couple of seconds the kids would call but wouldn’t be able to hear me or see me.
I did the only thing possible- put the ringer on mute and zombie lurched my way back to bed and managed to not stub my toe for a change.
And then it really began…the other iPads started buzzing together, all in different parts of the house!!
God have mercy!!
Do you know what it is to be practically blind without glasses, be not quite awake and trying to locate 2 loudly buzzing devices in different parts of the house purely on the strength of sound? I didn’t either. Till this morning.
So if I sound overly entitled because I realised we have too many devices at home or have too big a house, I can be forgiven because there were two munchkins who would NOT stop calling and yelling at me to talk to them without knowing they were making a series of calls to a wrong number!
As it is, I’m a write-off before caffeine hits my system. There are just something you cannot be her accountable for- one is strange kids calling you before you’re completely awake and wanting you to talk to them!
