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Talks With My Nutty One

TO often asks me trivia questions especially about animals. Today’s query was about a bird whose name starts with P and ends with an N and it lives on an island. I initially said penguin and got an eyeroll for my troubles. Actually I led with pigeon because where don’t those little poop machines live?

When I said Puffin a second later, a disappointed TO told me that he was sure I wasnt going to be able to guess the bird and dang it! I did and he missed out on a chance to tell me about the bird.

Since we were talking about something other than cricket, the coronavirus and screen time, I encouraged him to tell me more. And he did. His opening sentence was classic- “If you were a puffin, this is how you would look and walk and he proceeded to describe it in great detail.

Before 2009 I never would have had a thought like ‘if I were a puffin’ not even if I were profoundly drunk. And those who have seen me such will testify that barring the rare barf fest, I just show a tendency to get louder and maybe climb on tables. But be a puffin…naah!

Apparently you become a parent sentences like ‘I want to have teeth like a walrus’, ‘I want to grow up and be a dragon’ or ‘ if you were a puffin’ is all in a day’s work!

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Loose Lips…

Yesterday while running an errand I got blocked into a narrow lane by an imbecilic cabbie who had parked bang in the middle of the road with no thought for anyone else. Apparently when you have to take a whizz everything comes a poor second.

So there I was, getting more annoyed by the minute with bystanders trying to help me find my way out of an impossibly narrow space between the badly parked cab and a tractor. To make it worse, some of them mumbled, “lady driver” because a male driver would have pulled off a feat worthy of the Knight Bus and squeezed through the wedge of space available, nevermind if it spelled the death of their car’s paintjob.

As always, adding to the fun was my kid, who from the back seat kept offering me his helpful tips about how not having come out of the house at all would have been “so good” and how stopping for chips on the way back home would somehow miraculously solve all the problems.

Cut to 20 minutes later. Errant cabbie comes back post-pee, unapologetic and does a “talk-to-the-hand” gesture when I start giving him my “I want to squish you under my foot like the worthless slug you are” look. I guess I might have muttered a word that rhymes with duck and luck in a sotto voce manner. And guess who heard it with the windows half down and being a few feet away? The same child who can’t hear me when I’m yelling for him to clean his room, my loud voice booming through the whole house!

And this morning the little monster comes upto me in a moment I’ll always remember…he had a ridiculous toothpaste mushtache around his mouth, crud in his eyes and told me in a fake whisper, “You said the ‘f’ word yesterday”. My knee jerk reaction was to say, “No, I didn’t” followed by “What’s the f-word anyhow?” and he told me, enunciating it clearly enough for me to have a WTF moment.

And being a parent caught doing something wrong, I lied like a trueblue hypocrite and said, ” I said fudge…not the other thing”. And bang comes the question,” What’s fudge?” And I told him in great detail, trying to distract him from pondering on the original f-word. And it seemed to be working as well, till the monkey boy came back to bathroom door, whispered conspiratorially and told me, ” I know you said the F-WORD!!!” and he laughed a mini-villain laugh and scampered away.


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Sunday Morning Bloglet

I did not think that I would have occasion to ever write the words: I woke up with a penny stuck to my leg. But the universe and (almost always) ny child conspire to have me say the most unlikely things in life

Happy Sunday people.

Here’s to more currency being found on your person and preferably the kind you don’t have to exchange before you can use.


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Out Of The Mouth of Babes

Well…just one babe to be precise. Mine. To be more..preciser(?).

This summer holiday has been fun for the brat. He’s always very happy with my folks and despite the heavier discipline here than at home, he manages to get away with doing his thing most of the times because we love his buck-toothed, lisping, pug-nosed, long-lashed self and he knows it too!

Some of the funnier (and always cute, let’s not forget that) stuff he’s said to me over the last few days make me laugh each time I think about it so am sharing it here with those who peak at my blog from time to time.

The cutest thing #1- Ayu (he always prefixes EACH AND EVERY SENTENCE with that word) if I kiss you, you’ll become a frog! And seeing my WTF expression he hastily explained…” don’t be upset. If you turn into a frog that means you are going to become a princess later.” For those who are feeling all at sea, the allusion is from Disney’s The Princess and the Frog.

The cutest thing#2- Ayu…I made lunch for you (indicating some utensils he picked up from my mom’s kitchen). It’s DEE-LI-SHUSH! It’s rice, banana and mushroom. All the things you like to eat!!

The cutest thing #3- Ayu…my tooth fall down (said with a really sad face after an extremely loose tooth fell out while he was rinsing his mouth). I need my tooth BECAUSE the Tooth Fairy won’t give me toys without my tooth.

There are other cute things he’s been spouting as well but these have been by far the cutest ones uttered.

Of course the one that took the cake was when he asked me if I knew that when he was a baby he was in my tummy and I had to make the proper astonished ‘you-don’t-say- face and send him off happy that he gave me an earth shattering news.

Such is the world we live in.