Living with a teenager is quite like living with an overly opinionated, randomly emo, rather ignorant, squaking parrot who you love to bits but want to silence by throwing a tarp over.
My family lived in the US briefly, many years ago. Prior to that life was smaller in many ways. There were no 75 channels on tv and there certainly was no Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Presidents Day and what have you.
We had Children’s Day where we most certainly did not get to escape from school; were “nudged” into elocution or essay competitions eulogizing the first Prime Minister of India. We had Teacher’s Day where the teachers got a break..sort of. The place I did my middle school from, had the 10th graders dress up in sarees or salwar kameez and the younger classes were allocated to us to manage while the teachers had a break for a day. Lunch was organized for them and there were no classes on that day for anyone. Good times all around. But the concept of Mother’s Day being a thing and a big one at that is something I got to know when I was in 3rd grade. Still a newbie of sorts to American life.
Our teacher who had an unfortunate way of looking strict while she wasn’t too bad in real life had us make little accessories for our mothers. Small pieces of what looks like particle wood to me now were available for us to color on and then a pin would be glued on the back and it would make a lovely brooch for our moms.
In theory so many things sound good. Doable even, but give a bunch of kids glue and craft products especially a goggle-eyed one from India who is new to the concept of pipe cleaners and googly eyes and you get something like this-
My mother in her infinite wisdom *never* wore this except for the time I gave it to her. Given that she had nothing which would offset this and she never went trick or treating either, this brooch was consigned to her drawer of special things, displayed prominently but sensibly not worn.
She preserved this, possibly as a reminder to herself that Art and her daughter were not intended to be friends. Over the years I’ve got a laugh out of jiggling the brooch so the eyes jump up and down but for the most part this work of art remains misunderstood and has more depth than anyone has possibly gauge.
My kid’s school suddenly announced an earlier closure to the school year due to rising temperatures yesterday. When TO found out about it, the joyous whoop he let out probably was audible a few blocks over.
So this is Day One of summer break 2022 and Mr.Zombie-During-School-Days got up on his own before 6 am, bathed, brushed, wore clean clothes, combed his hair, had his chocolate milk and is languidly spread out on the bed catching up on his Netflix To-Do list. He has an almost beatific look on his face and very graciously informed me I needn’t keep the morning alarm on for the next two months since he’ll be getting up when he wants to…Watch this space for more of his shenanigans and my frequent eyerolls…
Red and TO have been acting like annoying prats and I’m stuck playing referee. Yay for me.
This morning when TO was looking for his meds he had to take Red’s help since Red had kept them somewhere after the last dose.
A sulky and solemn-faced child informed me he couldn’t ask his father since he wasn’t talking to him. It was too early in the day for me to intervene so I told him to write out whatever he needed to communicate and he did. Only thing being that he was asking a question without there being a question mark and I asked him how would Red know that it was a query. I got my answer in 2 seconds.
It’s one of those days when your kid snuggles up to you saying, “No Marshmallow, don’t go…I want to sleep for some more time”. You love this kid but if he calls you Marshmallow one more time…#%$&!£!#*
My child, adorable tailless monkey that he is, is still prone to doing things ass backwards plenty of times. When he was a baby he’d bite off the bottom of his ice cream cone and then rush to suck up the swiftly flowing ice cream that was melting all over him. In the process he’d get a brain freeze from the cold. Another joy of motherhood.
Also, it took him a while to find out why he shouldn’t bite off the bottom of the cone…and each time the same expression of surprise would pop up on his face; seeing the ice cream flow away…sheesh.
As a bigger baby these days, he eats the shawarma roll from both ends and wonders why the mayo and fillings keep dropping all over him. I mean…seriously?!
And then when he gets a dirty or perplexed from moi he gives me the universal look all kids are born with viz
A lot has been written about the people in the frontlines of this pandemic. As it should be. They literally are the first line of defence and often end up in hazardous situations themselves in the process of trying to cure or keep the populace safe.
But I don’t think enough has been written about the people who’re trying to make sure the little monkeys we brought into this world, remain educated, remain interested in education and actually learn something during these times where the only certainty is that it’s all still very uncertain!
Case in point: a teacher spends a good amount of time explaining things in fairly minute detail to middle schoolers and then asks if there are any questions. These are the inputs which come in from the kids-
Student#1 Ma’am you didn’t mark me present.
Student#2 Ma’am we have only 3 minutes left for the class to end.
Student#3 Ma’am can I go to the washroom.
Student#4 Ma’am you said XYZ’s name wrong…
Student#5 *umm…hmmm…erm*
Student#6 yawns loudly
Student#7 *humms*
Student#8 Ma’am it’s time, can we leave?
Teacher: sighs DEEPLY and says, “Ok children, anyone have any questions about what we’re discussing right now? For the things which were due 2 days ago?Any questions at all?” There’s pin drop silence. You can hear the clock tick, the birds chirp outside and the leaves of the tree rustle softly. Teache: No one? Nothing to ask?…sighs DEEPLY once more and says, “Ok children, you can leave the meeting.”
Students as ONE: BYEEEE MA’AAAAM!!!
It may have taken a village in the past to raise a child, but it takes waaay more to teach one!
Snippets from a conversation with TO a few minutes ago:” Why should there be spit in your eyes? If eyes were meant to have spit, they’d be by the side of your mouth and not further up your face!”
Another post that was left midway, most likely due to household chores and my personal Disruptor!
Lockdown mornings are wonderful (read between the lines)! Instead of dragging TO out of bed, I now kind of nudge him till he rolls out and then get him to clean out his eye gunk before he gets online for his classes with the teachers and classmates. What joy.
Today being a Saturday, I didn’t have to nudge, push or shove and he got up on his own. I should mention that because he bunked with me last night I didn’t get much sleep. I usually go to another room when he starts using me as his mattress and blanket all rolled into one.
A little while back there was a slightly miffed child staring at me with his hands on his hips…the bone of contention was my leaving him at night to go sleep somewhere else. When I told him that I needed my sleep and he kept pushing me off the bed, his answer of, “That’ because you’re so FAT!” didn’t really help matters much.
I think I’ll get one of those Keep Calm memes up and running while I ruminate on playing musical bedrooms in my own home. Till I drift off to sleep and wake up with a cute but peeved face almost nose to nose with me!
Random. Structured. Haphazard. All Me. 