Tag: according to kids

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Talks With My Nutty One

TO often asks me trivia questions especially about animals. Today’s query was about a bird whose name starts with P and ends with an N and it lives on an island. I initially said penguin and got an eyeroll for my troubles. Actually I led with pigeon because where don’t those little poop machines live?

When I said Puffin a second later, a disappointed TO told me that he was sure I wasnt going to be able to guess the bird and dang it! I did and he missed out on a chance to tell me about the bird.

Since we were talking about something other than cricket, the coronavirus and screen time, I encouraged him to tell me more. And he did. His opening sentence was classic- “If you were a puffin, this is how you would look and walk and he proceeded to describe it in great detail.

Before 2009 I never would have had a thought like ‘if I were a puffin’ not even if I were profoundly drunk. And those who have seen me such will testify that barring the rare barf fest, I just show a tendency to get louder and maybe climb on tables. But be a puffin…naah!

Apparently you become a parent sentences like ‘I want to have teeth like a walrus’, ‘I want to grow up and be a dragon’ or ‘ if you were a puffin’ is all in a day’s work!

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Contractually Yours…

Parenting often comes down to reaching agreements with your offspring in order for lessons to be learnt, set and accepted patterns of behavior to be established and also for those invisible lines to be drawn that help kids know crossing which ones will make the parents go medieval on them.

Image courtesy Henry Hustava@Unsplash
When TO was a baby I really, really liked him. He was adorable, always had a smile on his face, wasn’t a fussy baby…he just wouldn’t sleep much but he was not a pain. And he ate pretty much whatever I held up to his mouth.

Image courtesy Kyle Nieber@Unsplash

Somethings he didn’t like from the beginning like ripe papaya, anything with too much crunch or things which left an aftertaste he was iffy about; but this kid ate his fruits and veggies just fine!

Image courtesy Vince Lee@Unsplash

Fast forward a few years and this kid goes around spouting nonsense about being allergic to nuts AND fruit!
No clue where he picked it up from but trust me when I say that the only allergic person in this house is me in regard to excuses this child makes when faced with something he thinks he won’t like.

Yesterday after one of those Eff-It moments when parents decide on the ‘my-way-or-the-highway’ kind of scenario; a historic fruit- consumption contract was drawn up which includes not one but THREE fruits! My mother’s heart was about to burst forth with joy.



Naturally, I had to make it worth his while. And no, I don’t mind using lures when it serves my purpose and gets him to eat and live healthier.


That’s how I got Red to eat more veggies too. I’d wait for the cricket matches to come on and serve him meals that had all the stuff he claimed he never ate and before you know it Mr.Zombie-In-Front-Of-The-Telly had eaten the entire lot of things “he never ate” and liked it too.

So kids, the lesson here is this…next time you want mom to buy the load of tripe about being “allergic” to something, be prepared to go into anaphylactic shock to really drive the point home.

Over and out!

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Sunday Morning Bloglet

Yesterday TO was in a bit of a defiant mood and decided to test the waters by flouting the rules and diktats laid out.

I did the only thing that I do when yelling isn’t an option; I stopped talking to him. It was quite a bit of a blessed silence for Red am sure.

The requests to read a book at bedtime fell on deaf ears amongst the litany of chants of my name. Finally a little boy fell asleep with a sulky moue.

This morning he woke up and gave me a hug and kiss and looked relieved when I responded in kind. It led to outpourings and declarations of love about me being his favorite mother!

I said I had to be his favorite mother because I was his only mother and he said, “That’s what you think. Ma (my mom) is my mother too! She’ll love me when you don’t!”

I dont think the lesson’s being learnt here, eh what?

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Nuts To You!

People tend to see shapes in the clouds, some even see things with their eyes closed but I think TO kind of took the cake today.

After he got home from school today and was having his snack, he suddenly said ‘Mustache’. For a second I thought he meant I needed to schedule an appointment with the beautician and then he said, “Look Ayu, there’s a moon and a kidney.”

By then I knew it wasn’t me he was referring to…phew! And then he pointed at the jar on the table that had cashews. And pointed out where the mustache, kidney and moon were.

So why am I not gloating over my child’s sense of abstraction and imagination? Well..a few minutes later when I asked him to pick up his socks off the floor and put them in his hamper, he needed help finding them. Guess where they were? Right at his feet!

Oh me, oh my. Kids!

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Knockout Day Conversation

So TO is a cricket buff. Am not. He has good hand-eye co-ordination. I don’t. He’s more like Red in this regard. Thank goodness.

This was our talk today- Me: ” Kane Williamson…ummm hmmm…hello there!”. TO: “He’s OLD Ayu!”. Me: ” He’s waaay younger than me baby!” TO: YOU. ARE. OLD. AYU”

After that bit of heartbreaking talk, I again made googly eyes at a clip of Kane Williamson Williamson practising prior to the match and TO piped up,” Eww…do you want to marry him?” Me: ” Can I marry him?” TO:” You should ask Prash (Red)”.

And that in a nutshell is enough of mother-son bonding for today.

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A Chat With My Niece

I recently spent some time with my niece who lives in the US. We see each other when I video chat with her mom and every now and then she chirps in my ear and tells me what she’s been up to and then skips away to do her think like little girls do.

This time around I had the pleasure of introducing her to slime. Her mother didn’t share my enthusiasm or hers but what’s a childhood without gooey, icky stuff that grosses other people out?

When I spoke to her yesterday after she reached back home she very clearly told me she wanted more slime. I asked her what colors she wanted and she started listing them in her twangy speech, “I want wed (red), blaoo, yellow, green, pink, purple..” I interjected and said, “so you want all the colors, right?” and pat comes the reply, “No! I want red, blaoo, green, yellow, pink, purple!”

That’ll teach me to get between a rainbow-loving girl and her color palette.

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Backseat Diaries

MLM and I went to see Antman&Wasp today. We’d made plans ever since we saw the trailer online but I had some unexpected travel come up and the movie date got pushed back. It’s a testament to his affection that he waited to see the movie with me. Of course his father wasn’t keen on another superhero movie after I dragged him to see Deadpool-2 so going with me was kind of a moot point.

But I digress. After the movie, a gushing offspring started off with his commentary and critique of the movie from the backseat. He told me if he could ever be Antman then he’d definitely want me to be his Wasp aka partner because he loved me so much.

You’d be lulled into an “awww” right at this point except this child has my and his father’s DNA in equal measure. But sometimes it seems like those sets of gene are pounding my contribution to a pulp.

So I was told, after someone surfaced for air, that while I would have made a good Wasp, I wouldn’t fit into the costume because I was so fat! And all this said in the most matter of fact way as possible.

Adding fuel to the fire was an advert which was shown during before the movie started targeting good food habits by the way of reducing sugar, oil and salt.

I was asked why didn’t I reduce all those things? If I did I’d become thin and maybe be able to fit into the costume for Halloween…next year.

I swear this kid is geared up to be the most loving nemesis in the history of the world.

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A Blog A Day- Day#1

I’ve been telling the offspring to buckle down and do a couple of things but being a parent means leading by example (or so we pretend we do) so I’m going to try and hit a few targets of my own. Expect grumblings from time to time.

I want to blog more. I love to write and I’m not picky about what I choose to write about. I’m usually reading something or the other, thinking about doing something and make plans for future trips and travels galore ergo loads of food for thought or bloggy material.

So this is going to be my honey-do list/things-to-do/bucket-list galore and inshallah by 31st December, I’d have done at least 100 consecutive blog/bloglets and been able to cross things off on the ever-growing lists that my brain throws up and Red ducks very nimbly.

And on that note I felt a gaze searing to me and looked up to see MLM staring at me. Locking gazes me with he said” Cookie”. Brief. To the point and hungry.

So here I go to get him a cookie. Come back tomorrow for day two of my A.B.A.D challenge.

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Zeus Had Elves

I swear you can’t make up the kind of stuff that resides in a child’s imagination!

Most of my talks with my kid start with him telling me something he’s heard or read or seen. The stuff he’s read and seen is more reliable given the way his mind processes information. The stuff he’s heard tends to often have a lot of comic relief because his mind was at warp speed while his ears were trying hard to catch up.

So today’s backseat session began with him telling me about the story of The Happy Prince. After getting to the near finale he told me about the God who asked his elves to go down to earth and collect the Happy Prince’s heart and the swallow (or something along those lines).

Hearing me go, “What the…” he says ” Yeah…the God..I think his name was Zeus and he had elves”. Now Oscar Wilde with his cheeky humor is laughing somewhere but even then he might find the idea of Zeus with elves as incongruous. So I asked the offspring again, “Zeus had elves? Like Santa?” And after a few moments of pondering comes the reply, ” No, not elves but those fat-baby flying thingies.”

Oh Lord…angels preserve us. Or the fat baby-flying thingies at the very least. Amen.

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Conversation At A Playground

The brat has two pals he mainly hangs out with. He’s closer to one of them and with the other, he’s not feeling the love much of late.

Yesterday while waiting for one of the favorite aunties to come down with the kite and string, the threesome were having this serious conversation:

G: Hey! Where’s your mom K? I want to fly my kite. My mumma said to wait for her.
K: I don’t know where Diana Aunty is. She probably got lost.
S: She not got lost K. She must be getting ready to come to the park.

G: K, why do you call your mumma Diana Aunty?
K: cycling fast..I call my mother Diana Aunty because that’s her name. I call your mother Rikati Aunty.
G: My mother’s name is RITIKA…not Rikati!
K: RIKATI RIKATI RIKATI!! *goes whizzing by on his cycle again*
S: MY mother’s name is Ayanti, my father’s name is Prashant. I call my mother Ayu. I call my father Prash.

G: You’re not supposed to call your mumma and papa by their name! Say mumma and papa! *with a serious look on his face*
K: RIKATI RIKATI RIKATI!!
S: AYU! PRASH! AYU! PRASH!

Me: Ok boys, enough. Let’s go fly the kites.
Boys: Ok..let’s go! With promises of how high the kites are going to fly buzzing in the background.
S: in a stage whisper to me” Ayu I want to tell you something…I gonna call you Ayu and Prash as Prash ok?”

I nod and wink in compliance while a little boy keeps cycling away singing RIKATI RIKATI and another runs after him saying stop that! She’s RI-TI-KAA!!

Ah..the things which vex us when we’re still kids:)