My Temporal Lobe Hurts

I have a great memory for useless trivia. I have a pretty good memory for remembering everything my husband didn’t do but should have.

I also have a pretty strong recall for little things with the help of even vague-ish associative cues et al…but getting to the fag end of my 30s, my (declining) memory for numbers is killing me.

And the person causing bats in my belfry is none other than the offspring. As usual. Sighs.

We keep quite a few things under digital lock and key to keep him from giving into temptation and over indulging viz- iPad, t.v, Kindle, laptop etc but I’ll be damned if that isn’t coming back to bite me on the hieney.

With passwords for the phone, the Wi-Fi, the iPad, the Firestick, certain channels, it gets to a point sometimes when I need to unlock things, I sit with a blank look on my face, desperately searching in the memory banks for some kind of a clue to help me find the elusive #s; and no help is forthcoming. Totally a case of GIGO.

Earlier I had passwords, codes, credit card #s everything memorized and it wasn’t tough to recall them when needed and without too much prompting.

Now, my brain plays a Hot&Cold game with while I sift through data. Of course the process would be easier if I didn’t have a kid draped over my shoulder like a boa (imitating reptile and an accessory both), hissing in my ear, “Do you remember it Y-E-T??!!”

What would be best is if I could keep it unlocked and trust that agreements about t.v. time, play time on iPads were stuck to but that’s a bit unfair to expect from a kid when his parents are binge-watching Criminal Minds or Suits even though its ostensibly done without him being in the know.

But the brat knows us so well, when he sees the last played item on the watch list, he gives me a tsk-tsk look and takes the name of the person who’d have been watching the program and says, ” Someone was watching t.v. after I went to bed!”

I can’t begin to explain how amusing and confusing it is to be chastised by your child in a manner which he’s clearly picked up from you and then having to show your contrition even if you don’t feel the slightest bit contrite!

The things we do set an example for our kids. And while I try and set the aforementioned example, there’s a mini-me tapping his feet impatiently and saying,” Ahem….I’m waiting.”

Ye Gods!

Cough. Sniffle. Sneeze.

That word conjures up many fine images am sure. But for a mother the word has only one meaning- you are stuck good and proper! Say goodbye to the life you knew till the universe rights itself aka the flesh-n-blood goes back to school.

I firmly believe in this notion- either your kid shouldn’t get sick at all (which is the most preferred option) or they should get sick enough to merit keeping their tiny butts in bed till they are better. Period.

This business of being half-assed sick where one has enough energy to run around, be underfoot, cranky because they have a bug in their body, but definitely not well enough to go to school; doesn’t sit well with me. Nope!

Am not advocating that a kid be sick, mind you. But it’s SO annoying to remind them to use the tissue and not their sleeves when wiping snot 15,000,000 times a day, taking their temperature the minute their eyes glaze over and have to go into octopus mode to get a temperature reading which ends up being inaccurate because the brat squirmed like a worm and the thermometer couldn’t detect the right temp.
And while on the topic of thermometer, which brilliant person decided to put mercury in thermometers anyhow. I can’t read that shit! It’s all a bunch of lines. Faint ones at that. Bold. Underline and Italicize people!!

Do I need to go on? Bottom line? Kids have no business getting sick! It’s extremely hazardous on their parents’  (mothers…only mothers) health, nerves and disturbs their chi big time. It usually needs a couple of restorative drams of “big peoples’ medicine” to get them all bright and shiny again. Oh..not the kids. They get cherry-flavored meds…we get oak-cured, 12-years aged umm..syrups. Yeah…that’s it.