There’s A Great White Under The Bed

It’s only 3 inches long but my big toe did come in contact with its great gaping maws…and this isn’t the first time there was a “dangerous” animal lurking where it shouldn’t have been. We’ve had similar incidents earlier also.

Want to know what else is going on? Well there’s a mini Giant Octopus hiding behind the sink in my bathroom. Probably waiting to wrap its tentacle around my wrist when I reach for my toothbrush!

Or the crocodile that swished its tail at my nose last night when I turned over in my sleep.

The only saving grace has been the Stegosaurus (aptly named as Steggy) who was nice enough not to squish me when he landed on my head before MLM’s bed time.

Between coiled up snakes at Red’s feet during breakfast and Giant Squid’s surfacing in the shower cubicle, MLM’s toys are everywhere! Day and night and in every kind of scenario. The only place they aren’t in is the damn toy box.

Is this the same kid who used to go to Gymboree and do “clean-up, clean-up” after playtime was done? I can’t see hide nor hair of him anymore. It’s prehistoric reptiles and marine creatures as far as my myopic eyes can see and my toes can step on…sadly enough…

 

5 Days Into 2016

On the 4th day of 2016 my kid went back to schoooool…and a partridge in a pear tree! Not!

I couldn’t help myself…am still in holiday mode and the 12 days of Christmas is one of my favorite holiday songs along with the Carol of the Bells. But this version of the latter is one of my favorite. Metal with classic songs is a combination that usually works out well IMHO.

Anyhoo, Red is back to work as well and I have the house to myself. Am about to go and see my first movie of the year. Am sure a review will be posted soon enough.

Getting kids ready for school post a long holiday is truly a task mothers prefer not to have to tackle. Like spring cleaning. It’s an intensive undertaking. It does get done but you wish it really was a once a year kinda thing.

So we have all the tugging at the sheets, legs and arms till the child tumbles out of bed in a heap and eventually zombie walks to the loo. There the child acts totally FOTB about the concept of brushing his teeth and the brushing implements and just looks around himself with dazed wonder. Then comes the time to sit on the pot and contemplate S-L-O-W-L-YYY on the meaning of life and the mysteries of the universe.

By the time you get to the bus stop and wave the child off, you wonder why did I fret so much? It got done. But hell if it won’t happen all over again tomorrow.

And so 2016 begins to look a bit like 2015…only the fluffs and bits. The rest is still spanking new!

Sanities and Tensions…

The brat is keeping us massively entertained with the things he’s been learning in school. And while he no longer has the problem with his hearing that he did before, he is still prone to quite a bit of distractibility. That coupled with things that are repeated while he is in a group, like the school assembly, and the things he ends up hearing and then repeating at home are genuinely worth LOL-ing over.

Sometime in the past week he came home and started assuming poses of being in attention and at ease and had me follow suit. He told me to be in “tension” and then in “sanities”. I could barely muffle the snort of laughter that came out of my mouth and was immediately told off by a rather disgruntled little boy!

Yesterday there was a parent-teacher meeting in MLM’s school and among the many things discussed were his need to learn more patience. Yeah…not gonna happen in my lifetime! His homeroom teacher said she led the kids in meditation everyday for a few minutes and recommended that we try the same at home for more impact.

This morning Red decided to do an impromptu meditation session for the three of us just after we got up. The way Red instructed us did NOT resonate with the offspring so he usurped the role of leading us. These were his instructions:

“Ok…first you IN HELL. Then you EXIT.Good. IN HELL again and EXIT!”

Have you ever tried inhaling and exhaling when your entire body was shaking like a mini earthquake?

I was feeling like Santa viz belly shakes like a bowl of jelly. And sadly with the lard am carrying, it won’t take me too long to get their either.

All in all, it was the most novel way I’ve ever started any of my Sunday…In HELL and Exiting..

Oh lord…I love being this kid’s mother. Life is a lot of things but seldom boring. Even when he’s hopping around singing this song.

Co-Sleeping…A Parent Reflects

One of the first things I bought when I got pregnant, was a cot for my baby. It was nice, smooth with rounded edges and had teething shields on both the rails. It worked well when the brat was a teeny-tiny infant and it also worked as a mini-prison of sorts during time outs when he started getting his bad-monkey groove on.

And one day he and I both slept off on my bed and after that there was no looking back. He wanted that big bed! He wanted that big bed to turn cartwheels in, to go up and down and round and round in and somewhere along the way he also slept there.

We’ve got him his own big boy bed in his own room and he has slept there on and off but it just took one bout of cold, cough or fever for him to end up in my bed and NEVER LEAVE!

But last night while we were having our usual story-time tussle (another blog post for later) before he slept off, I realized that each night when I reach out I can usually connect with one or the other of his limbs and unless it’s his butt which ending up near my face; it’s comforting to have him close by and I actually like it.

Right from the time he was born, he smelled ‘nice’. That smell that’s particular to babies which is a mixture of sweet, soft, baby powder, drool and cuteness. Add to that whatever lotion or powder you now smother your child in and you have a unique aroma that you associate with your child forever.

And while my night-time sleep is often punctuated by a bop on the head, sheets being tugged away entirely, hot breath right on my face and a knee to my sternum in the first hour of hitting the sack; it’s also quite lovely to have a soft, squishy bundle to well…softly squish.

Plenty of parenting manuals, how-to books advise against co-sleeping, I for one am beginning to think that our kids grow up too quickly as it is. One day they fit in your lap and then they don’t. They have the rest of their lives to sleep in different beds, holding onto different people. A few more nights of cuddles and elbows to ribs won’t hurt anyone.

And while I write this I know fully well I’ll be grumbling while I get the offspring into a “normal” sleeping posture from his usual one of the Vitruvian Man so I can make some space for myself at the near-edge of the bed.

Here’s wishing you all adequate space to sleep.

Good night.

After School Huffiness

The brat got off the school bus with two holes in the school uniform that hadn’t been there when he’d got on the bus in the morning.

When I asked him (with a slight frost in my voice) he told me that a “Screaming Death” had made the holes.

hqdefault.jpg (480×360)

For the uninitiated, a Screaming Death is one from the stable of Dreamworks Dragons. It’s an ultimate badass dragon ergo also the love of MLM’s life ever since he laid his dragon-loving eyes on it.

Anyhoo he flat out refused to tell me how his school uniform happened to get ruined in that holey fashion and kept saying it was the dragon who did it. I told him that because of his behavior the tv was off-limits and I wasn’t going to talk to him till he told me the truth. And he threw a tantrum. A typical one with the screeching and minor feet stomping.

And then it got atypical. He sat and watched me ignore him for a bit and got out his trolley bag. Then this is the conversation that took place between us:

MLM-“Ok Ayu. I’m leaving.”

Me- Bye.

MLM- I’m going to count to 3 and you are going to put the tv for me.

Me- snorts in derision. “Yeah…not going to happen kid.”

MLM- ONE. TWO. THREEEEEE! Ok. FINE! I leaving now.

Me- B-Y-E.

MLM- while making a show of pulling his suitcase along and grumbling the entire time, “I’m not going to be your friend,grumble grumble. I’ll go and live in Kolkata (where my parents live) and never come home again!grumble grumble. I’ll watch tv there every day because (mentioning his grandmother’s name) loves me and you are MEAN!!”

Me- So go already. Bye.

MLM- Going till the main door and struggling to open the lock. “Open the door! I can’t leave, it’s locked.”

Me- opening the door for him…”Don’t forget your shoes. Bye”.

MLM- Struggling to get his trolley over the doorway…Ayu help me. I can’t leave…”

Me- Helps him put the bag outside the door and leaves.

MLM- Comes back in a bit and says, “I’m hungry”. I want to be your friend again. Please give me peanut butter and jam sammich?”

Me- So when do you want to leave the house and go stay in Kolkata?

MLM- I’ll go tomorrow. After the birthday party (mentions a friend’s birthday party he’s supposed to attend tomorrow).

Me- rolls eyes heavenward and goes to make PB&J sandwich.

Two minutes later I get a hug and someone plants a kiss in the vicinity of my hip and says you’re my best friend. These sammiches are DE-LI-SHUS!

And life goes on.

Bloglet: Repartee

I am currently in what I imagine is a near-Cinderella stage. Drippy nose, swollen face and mopping up the red blood (poster color) that MLM generously painted on his T-Rex’s teeth and pretty much all over on an off-white tiled floor.

I fall back on the worst threat in my arsenal aka am going away and never coming back and the brat pipes up saying I’ll hide in your suitcase when you aren’t looking and go with you.

And grins. Widely.

Crapola.

PS: While I type this out, I can see a blur running around with toothbrushes in one hand and the handle of a trolley bag in another. Bested again.