Mommyhood: Some Truths

Any mother will eventually admit to this- they love their kids the most when the children are either asleep or doing something that doesn’t require them (the moms) to be an active participant all the time.

See the thing with kids is this- you are doing things with them, for them, watching them do things while doing things with them or for them; you’re never really just watching them. And often when you do get the time to stop and watch them you realize that they’re grown up or a little less of the baby you knew just a few months back.

Here’s a silly little anecdote but one that made me feel all warm and gooey inside so naturally it’s all good.

Once we moved into the new place I realized that the toilets were higher than at the old place. MLM had to get some help to get hoisted onto the pot initially and would need to stand on tiptoes to pee. Very banal stuff right? And then I walk into the loo one morning and I realize he’s not on tiptoes anymore and can hoist himself onto the pot. Give the kid a medal! In a mom’s book that calls for an “awww my baby’s growing up”.

We can often miss out on the subtext in day-to-day life. The stuff going on in the background and even the foreground while we’re going about with the essentials.

What I like to do these days since MLM learnt to swing on his own is observe him and his interactions with other around him.

I find it satisfying in a way when he doesn’t come to me with his problems but tackles them on his own because that too is a sign of independence and growing up.

He has a funny way of referring to certain children’s’ moms as ‘Mother’. When I asked him why he was calling a particular lady as Mother since she wasn’t his mother and why not call her Aunty instead, pat came his reply- “So many aunties”. That is his to-the-point way of telling me he’s trying to keep from confusing the issue and directly addressing some kid’s mom instead of saying Aunty and having half a dozen women look at him. That he didn’t remember the lady’s name was well evidenced as well.

But the overall dynamics are very entertaining and enlightening to observe. Just yesterday MLM told another child’s mother than her daughter was hungry and wanted to go home. Out of the blue. The child in question was happily playing around with no idea she was the topic of a conversation. Why this sudden benevolence towards a peer? Well MLM’s soon-to-be-ex-best-friend who has of late started playing with other girls and keeping him at an arm’s length was approaching the playground and my darling son decided upon a preemptive strike before he lost the battle!

It’s amazing how these little minds work, how complex and yet simple their thought processes can be. And I get to be a spectator and take mental snapshots…all because a little boy has learnt to swing and I don’t have to give my biceps a workout anymore.

Amen. And thank you Galactic Ameba for your benevolence.

Inconvenient Truths

The toughest thing I find at times is to explain to MLM what something actually is. Since he lacks the experience and often the vocabulary, it’s a bit challenging to think of ways to get him to understand it in a manner that satisfies him or makes sense to him. Some children accept a lot of things their parents tell them but MLM actually mulls things over quite a bit.

Little things like why he can’t be swimming in an unheated pool in the height of winter, how it’ll most likely cause a cold; why his father and I are using chasing him around the house to clean his nose when it’s runny and most importantly why t.v or other visual digital media is curtailed after a point. Usually there’s a villain in the story  viz moi but by and large there are questions coming up which I have to gloss over or fall back on euphemisms for him to stop his line of questioning.

Just today he suddenly asked why Littlefoot’s mother was sleeping and not getting up after the fight with the T-Rex. Till now he’s never watched anything where death has even been remotely implied and since he’s only 4, I haven’t even thought about how to explain those kinds of heavy concepts to him yet. Whatever cartoons he’s watched where the bad guy’s been defeated, he’s understood it as them having “gone away”. Whether that’s a permanent condition or not has not been touched upon. Come to think of it, I don’t know if such small children know and understand the concept of permanence either. Their little minds are usually so crammed with things in their immediate surroundings, their likes and dislikes.

So when he raised the query about Littlefoot’s mother I asked him why do you think she’s not getting up and he promptly replied, ” T-Rex did ouchie! Dinosaur got ouchie there and fall down. Now dinosaur sleep.”  Phew! That’s a good place to start. I wouldn’t know what to do when the “die” issue comes up.

With children what they see is what you get and I guess that’s why he can’t understand how it is when I occasionally put my contact lens on…he keeps trying to get me to put my glasses on…thinking I’m unable to see 🙂

When he was a baby, he’d go and check under the beds, behind the toilets, everywhere possible when he wasn’t able to locate his grandparents after they’d left. He just couldn’t understand how something was *not* there or was different or in an unrecognizable form.

All a part of growing up I guess…I just hope I survive the phase of “whys”.

The Trouble With Conviction…

Conviction is a double-edged sword. You revel in the feeling of believing in something so strongly but at the same time once it gets it’s hooks into you, you’re stuck but good.

You convince yourself that you’re going through tough times and even if there are some wee silver-lining clouds in the horizon, they don’t ping your radar much or at all.

It works the other way also…if you are convinced that you’ll always land on your feet no matter what comes your way, then few things dent your confidence. But it can also blind you to the impact of the problems and take an insidious toll on you without your knowing.

Cryptic? Maybe so…but I’ve often found that being gung-ho about things can be overrated. Moderation is the name of the game. But moderation is a tough act to perfect since we get used to oscillating or vacillating from one end to the other.

Moral of the story? I’m convinced that I need to rework my convictions :p

Trouble IS a Friend

I heard this song for the first time on a Grey’s Anatomy episode and apart from it’s rather catchy rhythm and bounce it really appealed to me on a personal level.

I mean when things seem to be on a downslide consistently then it seems like the only constant in your life is trouble or ills.

There are times when it seems there’s no end in sight and you just can’t get a grip on the situation at all.

You’d tear your hair out except the bald look does nothing for you. You’d go and run it off on a treadmill or a kickboxing class but you need to monitor a munchkin who shows all signs of becoming a marathon runner or just running like Forrest Gump!

You listen to music while you pick up the nth wet towel from the bed while managing to notice that your child is sneaking towards the fridge to snag yet another slice of cheese (his 3rd one today).

You see the unplucked brows, the blotchy skin and agree yes..trouble is a friend. Never lets go.

Moving In…Moving On

This is the first blog post from the new house so I guess am on my way to breaking it in.

We moved in last Monday and since then we encountered a level of displacement I’d left behind quite a few years back.

In any house or home there’s some amount of orderly disorder (except in my parents house. Disorder does not exist in their universe!) and since we know where everything is, right from the light switches to the safety pins you never feel lost.

In a brand new place despite packing boxes having labels on them, till you open them you don’t get a proper idea of where everything actually is.

So we moved in and continued with going to work for Red and school for MLM and descent in minor madness for me.

It isn’t just about getting those god-awful boxes out of the living room, it’s about the place looking like somewhere you belong, you want to be in…the erstwhile empty spaces should reflect the ideas you had in your head when you bought the place to begin with.

But it’s taken shape pretty well ( I think). Some of our things will need refurbishing-grubby little toddler is now semi-grubby preschooler and asks for tissues or runs into the bathroom to ‘wash your hands’ after eating so my sofa’s upholstery is no longer under attack.

We got the net connection up and running-YESS!!!

Red killed a lizard for me yesterday- YESS!! and EWWW!

The offspring has been to the playground everyday and has settled into a pattern of being around the new place. So the chants of ‘ Let’s go home’ have abated. He still calls it the ‘ New House’ but then again so do I, in my head i.e. Some of the moms in the play area have become familiar faces with some numbers having been exchanged as well.

We got cable, a help (for now) and have been able to access the maintenance service with a fairly short turnaround time so yeah…things are falling into place.

And we started to celebrate our first Diwali with our new neighbors last night and then conked off (don’t ask me when) and were deaf to the noises outside! How’s that for fatigue?

So right now, sitting at the new work station, typing this out feels pretty good 🙂

Here’s a glimpse of where we were at the start of this week and where we are now.

House pictures to follow later.

Toodles!

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