Creature Movie Bloglet

As a reward for a decent first term report card TO was given the permission to watch The Meg. It’s a PG-13 movie for what reason I know not, but ostensibly to ward off screams from kids. That the screams maybe of joy seems to have escaped the censors.

Anyhoo, the brat turned into a proper prophet of doom with his sepulchral pronouncements of ,”They’re gonna die”, “The shark’s going to eat them all”.

 He added a chomp-chomp to emphasize the eating bit when the Meg took a while to appear on the screen.

This cheering section is totally for the shark!

Movie Review: The Meg

Ever since I was a cute little girl and got introduced to killer sharks by my semi-misguided parents who thought it was ok to take a 2 year to a creature flick; I have sought out shark movies.

I have watched the good ones viz Jaws, Deep Blue Sea, The Shallows and its rather limited ilk.

I have also watched the meh-kinds viz like Shark Night 3D and its bretheren of which there are more.

The same goes for the ” it’s so bad it’s good” category under which umbrella Sharknado totally rules the roost!

But today I watched the mostly boring movie: The Meg. I can’t say Steve Alten is spinning in his grave somewhere because he is alive and kickin’ but I don’t see how he willingly gave the script of this movie his blessings.

With many departures from the riveting book, the movie features a tired Jason Statham, a humongous shark, lots of explosions and mainly people falling in water. Everyone else is a bit player with hokey dialogues and an ability to scream when they’re about to die.

If you’re a creature movie enthusiast and are curious about the film, aren’t into piracy, then paying the price of the ticket would be worth it. Else give it a miss. Barring the expected jolts one gets with the shark breaching or looming up behind, this movie is a dud. 

The cinematography isn’t flat but the use of drone photography probably does a bit to make it visually less BLAH.

All in all, it’s a yawn fest for a Friday night.

Rating: 1 out of 5.

Movie Review: The Shallows

I know why this movie got good reviews:

  • Pretty girl wearing bare minimum required to avoid censorship.
  • Gorgeous locales and alluring waters.
  • A creature that everyone loves to hate viz The Great White.
  • The mysterious solitary seagull.
  • No bizarre sharky behavior barring well…being too chomp-chomp-chomp!

Eloquent wasn’t it? But snark aside so many things are based on location, location, location! And of all the shark movies I’ve ever seen (I’ve seen my share is all my saying), this one had the best location of them all!

This movie is minimalistic and has Blake Lively breaking out of Gossip Girl and the yawn-worthy Green Lantern mode; showing that she too can act and not just be a pretty prop on some guy’s arm. And channeling some snark back in…that swim wear of hers had to be glued onto her chest the way it didn’t move no matter what kind of a beating she took in the water. All hail the the new Wonderbra!

The way the shark is dealt with in the end is an interesting twist from the perpetual blowing up that Hollywood does whether it’s JAWS, Deep Blue Sea, Sharknado or even the utterly forgettable Dam Sharks! Almost like they got a good deal on TNT.

I won’t be revisiting this movie the way I did Ghost Shark and Sharknado#1 or even Jaws 3 but as a one time watch it was entertaining and the ending scenes before the credit rolled were lovely with Sia’s Bird Set Free setting the perfect tone. And it made me wish I could surf….sigh.

I’d give it a 3/5.

Movie Review: Jurassic World

We’re a pro-dino family. The more teeth, the better. The bigger, the better. So it was a forgone conclusion that we not only had to watch this movie but had to appreciate things about it. But all dino bias aside here’s what’s good about it…

The story couldn’t have any entirely new twist in it because the whole damn premise is about an amusement park which has dinos running amok. The more time goes by they (the film makers) just find ways to make you jump more in your seats. Be as that may, they keep the interest levels up with the new dinos that they dig up (excuse the pun) and the ways that they wreak havoc on the sadly unsuspecting populace.

Spoiler alert…go no further if you wish to see the movie and not have the predictable plot laid out bare courtesy wikipedia.

Chris Pratt is good. He’s better than what he was in Guardians of The Galaxy and that’s saying something. Gone is the man from Parks and Recreation. He doesn’t go OTT with his ex-Navy man avatar and instead does what he’s supposed to as a wrangler/trainers of the velociraptors on Isla Nublar.

The rest of the cast basically function as props but one wonders why Vincent D’Onofrio takes on these negatives roles so often these days. Possibly all those years of Law&Order made him want to have fun as the bad guy for a change?

Irrfan Khan has no business being in a dino movie. He’s an actor of no little talent and he’s deadpan in the worst possible way and very little screen presence IMHO. He dies soon enough and carries very little weight even among actors who typically don’t take up dramatic roles much.

The hero of the movie and totally living up to his name is the T-Rex. He is the king and he IS the Indominus Rex more than the test-tube-petri-dish-hybrid dino that the mad scientists have unleashed in the park.

But this movie gets a 1&1/2 thumbs up for it’s entertainment value and because no one quite does it like Spielberg…even as a producer.

Worth 2 watches but only in the movie theater…it loses its charm on the smaller screen.