Reblogged: Marking Territory

Everywhere I look, I sit the offspring’s presence prevails.

The jar of Gummybears are usually within hand’s reach although with the child-proof caps it’s still a bit in our control when we want to hand the bears over.

There are clothes clips on the futon, tigers and lions (figures) under the sofa cushions and Play Doh and khakhra crumbs all along the path he’s taken through the house. Very Hansel and Gretel and one can guess who the witch in this story is too 🙂

Point is- kids take over your life in toto! And when they sleep you reclaim it and the house which has their artwork all over the walls instead of the nice designs you and your husband picked out as newlyweds.

But then again they surprise you in the MOST UNEXPECTED manner. After a terribly taxing day when you’ve restrained yourself from leaving them on some unsuspecting person’s doorstep they turn to you and execute a deep bow and say Thank You Very Much Ayu in the cutest manner ever and all’s forgiven till the next transgression.

Damn! Check and mate to the offspring. Mommy’s still figuring out her opening gambit!

Whom To Marry: Sense Vs Sensibility

I came across an article in this morning’s Times of India’s Sunday section- Did Hermione choose the wrong partner?

The article by itself has little to do with being in toto about Harry Potter but more about compatibility and similarities in couples or could-have, should-have, would-have been couples and the choices that they ultimately end up making.

In a country like India where alliances are usually fixed taking into account similarity of background, family finances, religion et al, people can still end up being very different from each other temperamentally. The commonalities are usually in place to help the newly weds and their immediate families adjust (in theory). The more similarities you find in getting to know each other, the ice breaking goes that much better and there’s less new ground to cover or less surprises I guess.

For the multitude of people who end up choosing their own partners (from diverse AND similar backgrounds); they are propelled by a lot of reasons, emotional and practical, but I believe that we take the step into matrimony/long-term relationships because being with a particular person seems to be the right thing to do at a particular juncture.

Sure, people talk about being able to envision a life time with whom they love and picket fences, or condos in a high-rise, but getting through the day-to-day is what’s real and what’s palpable therefore does end up guiding our steps more than we realize. Because what you think of the future is merely a projection of your hopes, dreams and wishes drawn out of what’s transpiring in the present.

I have seen people who I never thought would actually fit each other personality-wise or those who would never seek each other out, get together and manage to hack it over the years. And even if a relationship doesn’t last until death do them apart, for some having had companionship, affection, support, passion, laughter in their lives is often counted as a success too.

Bottom line? I believe that when people choose a partner, they go by what makes sense to them emotionally and practically at a particular time.  It’s circumstances which play a huge role in defining whom we deem fit, deem right or even essential to partner with in life. So…did Hermione choose the wrong partner? Well had she chosen Neville or even Draco it’d have been a series of jaws-dropping across the globe but she chose Ron for reasons known to her and J.K Rowling alone. And in some parallel universe where fictional characters exist long after the books have been written, read and put away, am sure she and Ron are going through their daily dance or skirmishes as a married couple.

Did you choose correctly? That answer can get refined over time. If it makes sense now…run with it. Life has many surprises up her sleeve and you don’t need all the answers right away 🙂

A Letter To My Sleeping Son

The following content has been rated GG (goody-goody and slightly gagworthy).

Spoiler alert- expect mother love and nothing else.

Dear Monkeyboy,

Ever since I saw that little button nose in the sonogram I knew you’d be the cutest person in the whole world. And while you weren’t the chubbiest kid ever born, the pearly luster of your nails, the curled up little toes that were even tinier than your father and I imagined, were perfect and and we couldn’t have asked for any more.

As you grew up you not only brought worry and fatigue in your wake but also an overpowering urge to keep you safe, cocooned and  as a cherubic infant for all time since my life was that much prettier a place with those luminous eyes, the drooly mouth and the padded rump and the drunken baby gait you had while learning to walk.

Your high-pitched giggle, rapture at cartoons, utter  joy at just spotting an ice cream is so pure, so unalloyed it makes me want to stop time and just watch you LIVE.

Trying to help you grow into your own person is a daunting task but one I embrace happily since I’m convinced that whoever you grow up to be…the moment I see you sleep with those beautiful long lashes almost grazing your face, I’ll be taken back to the image of my cherubic little man who made faces in his sleep and who held out plump little hands wanting to be lifted up for a hug and a kiss.

You are beautiful inside and out and I hope your dreams are beautiful tonight and always.

Your (Slightly Emotional) Mother

P.S: Sleep through the nights from now on wards and your mother will be emotional for totally different reasons altogether! XXXs&OOOs

The Best Laid Plans

The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!

Robert Burns- To A Mouse

I’ve not often had my plans crumble down. In fact am all about planning. Usually get into the realm of head-in-the-clouds so far do I wander off with my thoughts.

But it’s beyond daydreams and the lifestyles of the rich and famous. It’s more of the everyday things which really either help you stay afloat or pull you under.

A few years ago when I was pregnant with MLM I made plans of being the best mother out there. I certainly did not plan to turn into a screeching shrew who lives in her track pants and waits for deliverance and neither did I think that having a career was going to entail so much thought. It’s the circle of life- you grow up, get an education of some kind and get a job of some kind else you mooch off someone to sustain yourself.

But taking a conscious step back from work pretty much turned into an situation where was very little scope of being able to work the timings I wanted, do the kind of work I wanted and still be able to give the lion’s share of my time to my child. Oh and I forgot to factor in me-time..that was a joke by the way!

But I did work. For a little over a year. Did reasonably well too I thought too before the ugly specter of work-life balance (WLB) raised it’s insidious little head.

At the last place I worked before MLM was born I used to facilitate in-house workshops on WLB and I thought it was fairly doable. Provided you made it a priority and did everything possible to attain it.

Know what I think now? It’s HOGWASH!!

When your child (ren) is/are older possibly then being able to do things on your terms becomes a bit more viable without feeling like you’ve descended through Dante’s Hell but prior to that you never really know what kind of a path your life will take. Am not even venturing into the arena of curveballs. But the kind of decisions you might make for the health of your family or for your own benefit might end up making you accrue a lot more dividends that you’ll have to pay in person through compromises, frustrations and a lot of food for thought.

Bottom line? We don’t like changes unless there’s an outright benefit that we can sense and even enjoy from the onset. Anything that you need to wait for seems to come not only too slowly but often makes you lose sight of your rationale in indulging in it to begin with.

But having to make big decisions is necessary from time to time. It helps you prioritize, makes you think hard and think clearly and pushes you to do concrete things.

So the intangibles and the semi daydreams will just have to wait for their day in the sun.

In the meanwhile….carpe noctem anyone?

P.S: I want to shoot the person who propogated this WLB theory. Either it’s a man or someone who has a trust fund or a very good nanny! It’s certainly not a person like ME!