I used to love horror movies. I utterly enjoyed the heck out of them and I was ghoulish enough to rate them on the BCI- Body Count Index...you know where you check to see if enough people are ending up dead or not.
I realized early on that the BCI is directly proportional to my enjoyment of watching the movies. There’s an equation floating around in my head somewhere but I can’t seem to retrieve it right now. It essentially says that within the first 15- 20 minutes of a horror movie starting up, if atleast 2 people haven’t died then it’s not watching. There’s a Lame-O-Meter rating too but only teens get it since they primarily use the word lame. Or used to back in the 90s.
Note: Keyword is died and not *tortured*. I don’t get off on torture. It’s got shock value but beyond that it grosses me out. Hence my extremely short-lived relationship with Rob Zombie movies and why the Hostel series just wasn’t my thing.
But horror stories were my jam and I have beautiful memories (truly) of cuddling up with my fairly straitlaced mother and snacking on Hershey’s Pudding Cups while Jason hacked his way through Camp Crystal Lake aka Camp Blood. I didn’t however, contend with the inquiring mind of a child who would interrogate me about Jason, Freddy and Myers to the extent that I would lose interest in them enough to not carry out my annual Halloween routine of atleast one horror movie.
A comparison between killing efficacy is something I can get behind but when we start applying logic to why Myers did what he did, how Jason died as a kid but started killing as a grown man with a face like roadkill or how Freddy got those Wolverine claws and why only for one hand; it hurts your head and your horror-loving soul. And don’t even get me started about the questions TO had about Hellraiser and TCM (c’mon…you know which movie this is)!
Horror is horror. Logic has no place there. Especially for the lowbrow stuff. Otherwise there would be no way that Freddy Vs Jason would’ve seen the light of day or the idea of Jason X even leaving the drawing board.
I’m so glad that TO hasn’t had a chance to see The Exorcist yet. I bet he’d have had questions about the green barf and why it was green and did it turn into another color sometime down the line.
I spent my Halloween me-time watching Shaft (2019) and realized that the word MF has also transcended the boundaries of a profanity. It is now an adjective, an adverb, a noun, a pronoun and quite possibly a sentence by itself!