Me&Crappy Movies…

I have watched tons of rubbish movies. Honestly. And I make no excuses for it. If it intrigues me, I’ll watch it at least once.

I don’t look into the why it’s good or bad or why it’s made money or lost a pile of it. IF the topic is interesting enough, I’ll try and get my hands on a copy.

I really like watching creature and disaster movies. The former is usually improbable and the latter hopefully won’t happen in my lifetime but they are usually not boring; if made well.

I watched Ghost Shark, the Sharknado series and a whole bunch of other stuff with the words “shark” or “snake” in its name and have been actually entertained. And then there was Oceans Rising.

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Oh my god…what an utterly, utterly pathetic movie. To have watched The Day After Tomorrow, Poseidon and even 2012 to some extent and then see this crappy piece of well…crap, is so disappointing. And that’s saying a lot coming from me. I also watched Megashark Vs. MechaShark and lost no sleep over it.

Apart from probably not having any money for believable special effects and having people who just run their entire gamut of expressions in 0-60 seconds, this movie was not the best utilization of a Friday afternoon I’ve done.

The lesson has been learnt.

Maybe.

Naah….

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Movie Review: Singh Is Bling

I say this with every bit of sincerity I possess: there’s a special place reserved in HELL for Prabhu Deva for making this movie.

I am not a snob about my movies. I prefer the light-hearted ones to the somber ones, that’s true but this movie was boring and it’s cliches had cliches and barring the opening sequence that could serve as a good advert for Punjab tourism, there was NOTHING to recommend the movie. AT ALL.

The story? That’s a laugh…oh well..the “plot” is this- Akshay Kumar is a good-for-nothing-well-intentioned “young”man living in his pind (village) of Bassi-something or the other. After the final edict from his father to make something of himself, he jets off to Goa (yeah…talk about Go, Goa Gone!) and sets about helping a friend of his father; a big shot in a rather picturesque part of the state.

Cut to the heroine of the movie, Amy Jackson, who hails from Romania and gives new meaning to the word Kick Buttowski. She lands up in Goa to search for her mother and crosses paths with AK, who is to guard her and keep her happy. How does he do it when she speaks only English and no Hindi and he no English and only Punjabi-accented Hindi? Well that’s where Lara Dutta comes in as the interpreter/translator.  And you wish she’d go back out again because it’s Lara Dutta and acting properly isn’t what she’s known for but she does what she’s supposed to viz provide the comic element.

Of course you wish she’d not have to sleepwalk or smash coconuts into men’s’ crotches to achieve that “hilarity” but then again, that was the least of what was wrong with the movie.

AK is loud and unfunny and so are the two buffoons who play his buddies. Amy Jackson has a lovely complexion and is understated. She is also…erm..did I write she has a lovely complexion?

There are films which are unpretentiously about the cheap laughs. The Naked Gun series, White Chicks…these are not movies that discerning audiences watch. They are about farts, body parts and bodily fluids and functions and full of innuendoes. And proudly so.

Singh is Bling didn’t show much bling to start out with and neither did it show the funny. A scene where a baddie is demonstrating his baddiness by cracking beer bottles on the heads of his minions has the entire crux of the movie encompassed into a single dialogue, “yeda hai kya?”.

And that ladies and gents is what you are if you watch this movie. Till the end. Go count sheep or something. Infinitely less boring.

The rest of the notable cast included Rati Agnihotri in all her puffy-eyed matronliness and a totally wasted Kay Kay Menon who clearly was stoned when he signed on for the movie or needed moolah very desperately.

By the way, I have no clue if the movie even slightly redeems itself since I walked out a little after the interval.

This movie rates an all toes down and wishes that Prabhu Deva would stick to dancing while invisible or on moving buses rather than making cameos in his own movies where he pees at people in the men’s room and tries to get them to run off. Dafuq anyone?