Lost In Translation…Yet Again

At a pre-Diwali party held recently, we had mirth upto our eyeballs and then some. And while it does no good to harp on the difficult year everyone’s been through; the enjoyment for me is enhanced because everyone I see on a daily basis is healthy and largely happy.

A bunch of us started playing a silly but fun game from our childhood and it let to crazy hilarity! In a nutshell, you play Simon Says but whoever gets it wrong, gets whacked by the person next to them.

In one case the person about to do the whacking was a very well-accessorized lady with rather large fingernails and elaborate rings. Seeing that the rings could end up hurting someone, a non-native Hindi speaker spoke up about taking off the rings before delivering the whack. But languages are funny things… if you get a vowel wrong in one place, the entire meaning changes and you can end up someone completely different from where you intended to go!

The lost in translation bit was: “Take off your thumbs before you hit her!!” And there were prettily dressed up women in their ethnic finery, rolling on the floor laughing. Total paisa vasool (aka ROI) on party entertainment courtesy an unintended slip of tongue!

Not Talking To You!

Red and TO have been acting like annoying prats and I’m stuck playing referee. Yay for me.

This morning when TO was looking for his meds he had to take Red’s help since Red had kept them somewhere after the last dose.

A sulky and solemn-faced child informed me he couldn’t ask his father since he wasn’t talking to him. It was too early in the day for me to intervene so I told him to write out whatever he needed to communicate and he did. Only thing being that he was asking a question without there being a question mark and I asked him how would Red know that it was a query. I got my answer in 2 seconds.

When your kid is very literal!

Weird Utterance Bloglet

“You don’t want your shark wearing Spandex, baby!”…words I never thought I’d find myself saying. Yikes.

Of Feet and Mangoes

My feet are dry and the heels are cracked but I can’t figure out why. I badly want an hour long pedi but that’s not gonna happen in the foreseeable future so… am blaming it on the heat and lockdown because it’s du jour.

Red was busy tapping away at his laptop and I told him that he needed to take better care of me and wiggled my feet in his direction hoping he’d take the hint.

” Do you want a mango?” was the reply I got instead. And after internally warring with myself whether to get snippy, snarky or sad I decided a mango was the way to go. Whaddya gonna do, these are tough times…gotta roll with the punches!

The Ice Lolly Post

Many, many years ago two girls were running late for a class with a rather strict teacher. The saving grace was that this teacher was a very good one so her snark and barbs didn’t always wound. But she valued punctuality and that’s one thing college students are notorious good at being bad in.

It was nigh on summer and these girls were hot and bothered and desperately in need of ice cream or something of its ilk. What was available was ice lollies. Disgustingly full of sugar and made from God-only-know-what kind of fake flavors and what kind of sewage water but damn! they tasted GOOD! And it didn’t hurt that they were uber pocket-friendly.

This strict teacher had a pet peeve about her students coming into the class with orange and purple colors smeared around their mouths, on their hands and then putting sticky fingers on the top of the desks and everywhere else. Just to make sure that the girls would tow the line, she’d outright banned the treat from her class.

Wouldn’t you know it? These two girls happened to throw caution to the winds because they thought they’d have enough time to finish the lollies, wash their hands and make it back in time to the class to capture the vantage seating areas.

This teacher had quite a few super powers; one of them being her ability to sniff out when a student was deliberately distancing herself from the lecturer because a) the homework wasn’t done b) she was unprepared for the class or c) because she was daydreaming about catching up with her bf as soon as the class got over d) all of the above. In which case the student in question would be e) SCREWED.

Whatever be the case, she would zero in on that one (or as many there were because she was just that good!) hapless student and make her answer or face the Eye Of Shame for being unprepared.

As luck would have it, these two girls were about to have a rather crappy time in the class because luck did to them what pigeons often do to statues-poop all over them!

Not only did these two girls get a brain freeze from trying to down the lollies at an express speed, the teacher decided to come to class earlier than usual because she had somewhere to go immediately after class ended. And so the follies began.

The girls, who had footlong ice lollies which were only a quarter of the way done, rushed into class and sat all the way at the back to hide their flushed faces and sticky hands. They propped the lollies up behind their backs and really put on their game faces as they tackled some intense metaphysical poetry.

They also had to appear attentive, ‘in-the-moment’ and proactively answer questions to look like this was just another day and that John Donne’s metaphors weren’t at all confusing and slightly reeking of desperation from a guy looking to get laid!

And what happened to the lollies might one ask? Well, had these girls been smart, they’d have thrown the lollies away before entering the class however, absence makes the heart grow fonder for all manner of junk and the lollies decided to change the way the game was being played.

They started to get softer. The condensation rolled forward and as the ice inside melted, the formerly vertical lollies decided to lay down and take it easy for a bit.

And out rolled purple and orange sugary syrup that had nowhere else to go except towards two denim-covered posteriors that would do an excellent job in soaking up liquid.

Did I mention one of the victims was in light blue color denim on which orange wasn’t the best shade to stain?

It is rather hard and extremely uncomfortable waiting for a teacher to leave post haste while a liquid of indeterminate origin stains your clothes and wets your inners. It’s even more difficult to get up and admit that you were an ass for not listening to the teacher and an even bigger ass for just sitting there and wearing melted ice as a part of your attire.

But kids will be kids and they (im)patiently waited till the class got over and ran out before anyone else barring their extremely-supportive best friends got to know of the emergency in their pants.

This was the saga of the Ice Lolly. Never was it indulged in again. Except in solitude and without anyone to see what a sticky (literally) end it could come to.


Lost In Translation#248

TO had a good time dancing to Shaitaan Ka Saala on New Year’s eve but didn’t know the name of the song. His Hindi being what it is, half the words just escape him entirely! And when he does utter them, they are so far from where they started out that it’s more of a #dafuq moment than a #LOL one.

He asked me for the name of the song so he could tell Alexa to play it. And this is what happened…

TO-“Alexaaa wake up”. Alexa- I am awake. What can I do for you? TO-” Alexa play Sankranti Masala“. Alexa- goes round and round till she gives up the ghost and begins to reboot!!

Hooman-1. Gadget- still rebooting.

Friday Funnies

Back in the day when the word ‘meme’ was still gaining traction, I had NO clue what it actually was. And for a person like me to admit that is HUGE. I think Red (the Lord&Master, for the uninitiated) will do a happy dance just reading this bit. Anyhoo, when I came across ‘meme’ I used to pronounce is as ‘mee-mee’ and thought it meant stuff that people wrote about themselves ergo the ‘me’ part being fulfilled. #bigtimefacepalm

Later on when I got wise to the notion and most importantly, the pronunciation, I changed tracks and stopped me-meing all over my erstwhile blog. But while I was still headed the wrong way, I wrote this post and I still kind of like it so am reposting it here. Oh naiveté…

  • I love my time alone at home. Well am technically not alone. But in a way I am. Booga Booga Booga!
  • I love making up silly songs for my kid. Most of them are recycled tunes but the words are FRESHAA!
  • My ideal job would be where someone paid me to read the books that I want.
  • I love bean bags.
  • There’s no food like Chinese food. Even the kind the street vendor sells.
  • I always apologize to my kid (when he’s asleep) for having yelled at him or spanked his bum.
  • I am inherently lazy. I act busy to confuse others 🙂
  • If I could, I would travel and read all my life long.
  • I am getting addicted to online shopping. Or for now, online cart-filling.
  • I buy bubble wands et al saying it’s for my kid, but I’m the one blowing bubbles all day long 🙂
  • I am a bit of a snob for brands but it’s under control now. I think. I hope. Erm…not really.
  • AND…I am narcissistic enough to go back and re-read this meme even after I post it here and cross-post it on FB and Twitter 🙂

Am very happy that the written word endures and because of it I was able to picture myself smooshed into a beanbag and tapping this out 8 1/2 years ago when life largely consisted of running behind a kid and wiping his butt half a dozen times a day and blowing raspberries on his tummy whenever I could.

*heaves a sigh for the good old days*

Image result for minion blowing raspberry gif


Bloglet: Boomerang Bantering

Every now and then I use slangs with TO and often it comes back to me in a very amusing way. He was using selective audition with me today when I was asking him to do a couple of things around the house. I rolled my eyes at him and told him not to be a doofus. And bang comes back the reply, “You’re a doofus!”

I walk off and mentally tell myself to wait for it and sure enough comes the query,”Ayu, what’s a doofus?” I tell him it’s a silly person and he mulls it over and says, “Ok..you’re a doofus Ayu”.

Ah..summer holidays..such a joy!

Blissful Calamity: November 2010

Lost In Translation#498

Kids extrapolate things based on their own frame of references. Mine does it quite a bit and even more so with words of a different language.

He loves music and at different times we have played hosts to quite a few different earworms of his. One of his old favorites reemerged due to a shuffle in his playlists and we were both humming along with it when he started off with that singsong tone he singsongs more whenever he has a question to ask me, “So A…is the Bulleya song about…?” And I reacted with a mother’s instinct and one honed from dealing with these particular gems- “No baby, it’s not about bulls. It’s about a poet and thinker (because early morning rushes are rushed enough without stopping to explain what a philosopher is) whose words have been put to song and who people sing about.”

And sure enough, came the expected rebuttal which led to this bit of head scratching fun-” But it says Bulleya…BULL-eya. Are you sure it isn’t about bulls?”Am positive! Baba Bulleh Shah didn’t have anything to do with bulls.” “Baba??” That’s what you call P (his nickname for my dad). Why is he called Baba?” “GO TO SCHOOL. BYE BYE. HAVE A GOOD DAY. LOOK IT UP ON WIKIPEDIA.”

Mom over and out. Oh how I miss Red when he’s out of town.

Of Romance and Fried Eyeballs

Four years ago I wrote this blog post and I’m still laughing about it. Sometimes all the way to the loo because when Red ends up being funny inadvertently, it’s bad for my bladder.

One of the biggest yarns ever spun in my home is about Red getting a 92 in Hindi many moons ago. Anyone who knows him knows that to be the biggest crock of malarkey. Ever.Not surprisingly, no documentation of this mythical “92” has ever been seen.

Every now and then I’ll listen to a couple of mellow, Hindi songs which particularly pluck at my romantic vein. And that’s when Red strikes. With a seemingly innocuous question, a guileless face and completely out of the blue, he’ll make me go from a mellowed out woman to someone who looks like this- Image result for dafuq gif

Tonight was no different. I was looking up the lyrics to Roz Roz Aankhon Tale. Now it’s not entirely phonetically spelt out in English, I accept, but the husband cottoned onto just ONE word from the entire song, took it out of context and changed the meaning from love to cannibalism in one fell swoop!

“Taley” in Hindi means below, underneath. Talna means to fry. Somehow, Mr.92-in-Hindi grabbed onto that random memory from his vast, spacious vault of Hindi vocabulary and asked me, “Doesn’t tale mean fried?” And now, instead of remembering Kishore Kumar and Asha Bhonsle’s mellifluous duet, I’ll see eyeballs sizzling on a skillet.

Don’t be too surprised if I walk around zombie-like after sometime and turn into Cole Sear and say 

substituting eyeballs of course!Image result for eyeballs gif