A Pesky Beauty Pimp!

This transcript has been reproduced here to my best recollection and is verbatim. And YES. It did happen. Exactly how it reads.

Full points for persistence to the person on the other side of the phone though I’ll keep my obesity, skin problems and unwanted hair, thank you very much!

Me: Hello.
Customer care rep: Hello Ma’am. Am XYZ calling from LAABEL.

Me: Which label?
C Rep: Label kaadu. (Telugu word for ‘not this’)La Belle.

Me: Oh. OK. Not interested. Thanks and don’t call again.
C Rep: Listen no Ma’am. If you or friends and family are having bad skin, obesity and unwanted hair problems you can come to La Belle and get your problems solved with discounts.

Me: HUH?!!
C Rep: With discounts. We will help you. Are you having obesity or anything like that?

Me: Erm…this isn’t a good time. Am not…
C Rep: Listen no Ma’am. We will help for bridal day and self-confidence and get rid of unwanted hair. What is your location?

Me: For unwanted hair?!! *thinking to myself that they sure get personal on these calls*
C Rep: No… your home madam (am sure she rolled her eyes at me). Since we are having 7 locations in Hyderabad and 3 in Chennai.

Me: Look madam, I’m not interested. Thank you for calling.
C Rep: So which other problem are you having if you’re not having obesity, unwanted hair and skin issue?

Me: You. PLEASE. DON’T. CALL. ME. AM. NOT. I-N-T-E-R-E-S-T-E-D.
C Rep: OK.Thankyoufortakingoutyourvaluabletimehaveagoodday.

Kids: The Beauty Of The Little People

Witnessed two separate instances of candid and unadulterated (excuse the pun) kiddy behavior yesterday. Enjoy reading about them. I enjoyed experiencing them:

Scenario 1:

Last evening at the play area MLM and another little friend of his got into a tiff which seemed to be escalating to epic proportions. Well epic differs from people to people and for 5 year olds, it normally means yelling threats of ‘never seeing the other people again”. EVER!

It all started with silly stuff; the way it does for most kids. It was a matter where one felt the other should apologize and the other didn’t share the sentiments. The person demanding the apology turned into a mini stalker and followed the other potential apologizer around till they gave in. When that tactic fell flat they got right in each others’ faces and shouted they never wanted to see each other again.

After a lot of posturing they each went and plonked their little butts on the SAME merry-go-round, scant inches away from each other and tried very hard to stay miffed and NOT look at each other to see what the other was doing.

A bigger little kid came by and helpfully gave the merry-go-round a spin thinking to see them rise up in joy and go WHEEEE. The exact opposite happened. The warring kids turned on him as one and he was curtly informed that they did not  need his help at all and were perfectly capable of spinning around on their own. The story after that is one that needs no spoiler…they made up. Went dizzy on the merry-go-round and even teamed up against the innocuous big kid and laughed at their heads off. They even walked home together and promises were made of playing together again VERY SOON.

Go figure.

Scenario 2:

MLM was doing his homework and taking breaks in between to tell me how much he wanted to go and play with his little foe turned friend. Another friend’s (mine this time) son came over to run an errand for his mother. Seeing MLM doing his homework he asked exactly the kind of work that had been assigned.When I told him he expressed concern and dismay that a child MLM’s age was laden with the task of cursive writing and horrors…Hindi homework too!

The bigger little boy told me he was introduced to cursive writing in grade school and very seriously wanted to know the name of the school that puts so much pressure on a child smaller than him.

He seemed a bit surprised and slightly down with what he’d seen.

Children, up to a particular age, even with their exposure to adult subterfuge and whatnots are largely very blunt and very expressive. What they see , feel and think the world around them gets to know.

Their approaches to problem solving are ridiculously simple and extremely effective.

Maybe, just maybe…we should take a leaf out of their book when we get frazzled with the vagaries of the world around us.

Just saying.

A Letter To My Sleeping Son

The following content has been rated GG (goody-goody and slightly gagworthy).

Spoiler alert- expect mother love and nothing else.

Dear Monkeyboy,

Ever since I saw that little button nose in the sonogram I knew you’d be the cutest person in the whole world. And while you weren’t the chubbiest kid ever born, the pearly luster of your nails, the curled up little toes that were even tinier than your father and I imagined, were perfect and and we couldn’t have asked for any more.

As you grew up you not only brought worry and fatigue in your wake but also an overpowering urge to keep you safe, cocooned and  as a cherubic infant for all time since my life was that much prettier a place with those luminous eyes, the drooly mouth and the padded rump and the drunken baby gait you had while learning to walk.

Your high-pitched giggle, rapture at cartoons, utter  joy at just spotting an ice cream is so pure, so unalloyed it makes me want to stop time and just watch you LIVE.

Trying to help you grow into your own person is a daunting task but one I embrace happily since I’m convinced that whoever you grow up to be…the moment I see you sleep with those beautiful long lashes almost grazing your face, I’ll be taken back to the image of my cherubic little man who made faces in his sleep and who held out plump little hands wanting to be lifted up for a hug and a kiss.

You are beautiful inside and out and I hope your dreams are beautiful tonight and always.

Your (Slightly Emotional) Mother

P.S: Sleep through the nights from now on wards and your mother will be emotional for totally different reasons altogether! XXXs&OOOs

The Make-over Malarkey

I recently decided to go the Groupon way and the first (and only purchase) I made was for salon services.

It was very convenient to purchase and I finally got the opportunity to avail it today. Truth be told it HAD to be today since it was going to expire tomorrow but yeah..that’s how we roll in this family. We are ‘last-minuters’ but that’s another blog post for another day.

Anyhow, this place I landed in (which shall be unnamed) is a branch of a well-known national chain which advertises regularly in the major national dailies about their weight-loss, wellness and overall cosmetology services. The services I had opted for were for a facial and hair wash/cut/blow dry.

Am guessing not-so-pleasantly-plump people like myself are looked upon with a lot of eagerness since there’s more money to be made off us. The manager of the center took me into her room while the staff was preparing for the facial and laid a lot of jazz on me starting right from getting me to lose my hard-won lard to skin polishing, peeling, microdermabrasion, and livening up my hair!

I was beginning to feel like Frankenstein’s monster who needed new parts tacked on. Of course she counted against the fact that my excess lard just causes “well-meaning” advice about my appearance to bounce off entirely. Especially well meaning advise that comes with a price tag that’s as much as the EMIs on the new house.

This lady tried everything! I mean everything. She said look good for you husband, increase your confidence, boost your self-esteem and become a stronger woman. I guess seeing me sans make-up and in track pants made her think I was a dumpy housewife who needed “encouragement”.

But long story short I finally wrangled my way out of her lair and got the stuff done that I’d gone for and was pretty happy with the transformation of the hair at least-20131110_154029

But that lady was like a snake oil salesman with the extra luggage she was carrying around herself and trying to make me feel like I was a behemoth!

I’ll try it the old fashioned way…huffing and puffing and climbing stairs and sweating unfashionably till I lose the lard.

If it doesn’t work I know Mrs.Frankenstein’s always there to take me apart 🙂