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challenges cognitive dissonance family home how in the world in this day and age Life matter of fact MLM mother and child parenting people raising kids rants SAHM the human mind what kids want what women want WTF

Dafuq Wake-ups

My kid doesn’t often beat me to the alarm clock. The days he does are often a mixture of me cussing him out in my native tongue (while half-asleep mind you) or me having a really shrieky-freaky wake-up call.

Try this scenario on for size: you, nice and cozy under a comforter; it’s cold, dark and smoggy outside and suddenly a small, cold object starts tapping at your face and head. You can’t figure out what it could be and then suddenly it turns out to be a hand!

You open your sleep-weary myopic eyes and there’s a cute but solemn face staring at you unblinkingly. Then it sniffs and says in a slightly phlegmy tone, “I woked up.”

You can’t help but give out a garbled, scared moan…it’s your kid. An hour before his usual wake-up time and with bad grammar no less!!

No wonder I’ve been thinking of little brat from The Grudge!

*shudders*

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challenges family home Indulgence Love matter of fact MLM modern families mother and child parenting people raising kids rants Red SAHM turbulence what kids want what women want WTF

Wash, Rinse, Repeat

My life with MLM of late as been like this-

Me@6:15 am: Get up baby, it’s time for school. (Gives loads of kisses and tousles the porcupine hair, sticking up everywhere because of static)

MLM: answering by snores.

Me (shaking him gently): get up (followed up all sorts of oddly named endearments).

MLM: IdonwannaIissleepyIwant…..trailing off into soft snores.

Me (looking at clock): It’s 6:30 already!! GET UP!

MLM: Idontwantittobe6:30…..

Me (tickling him): Getupgetupgetup!

MLM: FINE!!! and droops over my lap/shoulder/ any place where he can drape his body comfortably.

Me: UP! RIGHT NOW!!

MLM:whyareyoumeantomeyou’renotagoodgirlIdon’twanttobeyourfriendanymoregoawayAyu!!

Me: FINE! Stay that way! (tacking on whatever threat is the most effective at the moment).

MLM: Drags himself out of bed a la The Walking Dead and goes and plops himself onto the couch.

Me: AREYOUKIDDINGME?!! GETUPNOW!!

Red: (stumbling out of bed and frowning) Why are you yelling? (directed at me). Go have your coffee and I’ll handle this.(prepares to be the good cop)

2 minutes later

Red (to me): Go and get him to drink his milk, he’s not listening (absent mindedly goes off to brush his teeth while scratching his left bum cheek. Always the left. Don’t ask me why.)

Me (fully caffeinated and back on the job): COMEON! LET’S GO! WE’RE LATE!

MLM: Idontwantogotoschool!! Iwanttocolor! Iwanttoreadmybook! Idontwanttobathe! BadgirlAyu! I’mnevergoingtobeyourfriend. NEVERNEVERNEVER!!

Ah the joys of parenting and predictability of a sleepy child’s behavior on a winter morning. AND…I get to do this all over again. Tomorrow. And the next day. And the next.

Bliss.