A Cough and a Wheeze…

Makes the whole world freeze!

These days at least. For those of us who are moms, the steady output of coughs, sneezes, phlegms is not a bother at all. Seeing how they are usually aimed our way or done by our loving offsprings who would probably have a tissue, a hanky in one hand, have another hand free and still not remember to cover their mouths while coughing or sneezing.

SNEEZE ONE MORE TIME I DARE YOU - Samuel L Jackson | Meme Generator

This is a frequent issue with TO. Even during the worst of the pandemic last year he’d sneeze and desperately looked around for a tissue despite there always being wipes readily available. Then when he thought I wasn’t watching, he’d quickly wipe his face off in the crook of his elbow…yech.

When he was younger, he would treat my clothes and my body as his living, breathing wipes. He’d walk by and wipes his hands off on my jeans or t-shirt and give me a cheeky grin as he dashed away.

These days he’s mighty put out by the paucity of hugs and cuddles that are coming his way since it’s being doled out by only one parent. And a bony one at that. I find him standing at the door to the room am isolating in and taping his feet at me and asking when I’m going to tell him I’m negative and it’s ok for him to smush his face into my rather squishy stature and feel like everything is alright with his world. Hopefully in another 30 hours or so he’ll have reason to be ecstatic or sulk like his world is out of whack!

Oh Corona…you have so much to answer for.

P.S: I wasn’t able to post this yesterday and today am happy to say that I *am* negative! TO got hugs and kisses and muscled in for Red’s share as well. It’s all status quo again. Praise the Galactic Ameba!

The Tale Of Five Tests

By the time the words Corona (the problem and not the beer), Covid had infiltrated our lives, I had hoped I would be able to avoid the situations which led to me having to take a test to see if I was positive or negative. And for a largely positive person (outlook in life-wise and not disease)I was looking forward to staying negative for a long, long time to come. But in the words of John Lennon, “Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.” And so I had reason to get tested. Not once, but multiple times as it would play out.

During the first test, I kept looking at best case scenarios which would be me testing positive and taking a 2 week holiday, all expense-paid, in the guest room and getting waited on hand and foot, without having to interact much with anyone. I would binge-watch, binge-read and just wait out the germs exiting my system. The worst case scenarios would have been my 80+ father-in-law getting it. He has co-morbidities, is a difficult patient with the most minor of issues and no one wanted him to have that over his head at his age.

Instead an 11-year old fidgety boy came up positive amongst all of us. He took it like a champ. Got everyone’s attention and basked in it for whatever it was worth. Was prayed over and showered more love and affection than he has been since he broke his hand a few years back. And Covid was dealt with in a manner so calm and efficient that it hardly seemed like a problem.

The second test was a necessary follow-up to the first test and when the results came, I whooped up so loudly both Red and TO came running out of their rooms to see what had happened. We did our own versions of “take that you nasty pathogen!” and went our merry ways.

The third test was necessary before I went in for a surgical procedure late last year and while I was fairly sure it would show me as non-reactive, my mind was already bracing for the intrusion of the excessively long swab burning through my nasal passage and making me gag. I needed only to gag because the nose was thankfully left alone and I was cleared for the surgery.

The fourth test came up recently when I traveled after a gap of almost a year and a half. The place I was landing in mandated a negative test report so I went through the rigmarole of the burning nose and retching to get the said report and I was nighty put out that no one checked or even mentioned it when I landed. All that swabbing up and down dark alleys in one’s body and all for nought.

Am getting tested again in an hour or so. I came back home and have what are now called “mild symptoms“. In a pre-Covid world, I would have been able to accurately put them down to a change in climate, exposure to the air conditioning in a cramped place or just a cold and let it ease itself out of my system. But in circa 2021, they are mild symptoms and need to be viewed with suspicion till forays through my body prove otherwise.

The world that we know has changed but not the people. Not much anyhow. We are still doing the things we want and are pretty comfortable with taking what we think are “acceptable risks”. You live with something unpleasant long enough and it stops being a Boogeyman and gets reduced to being an inconvenience.

A year ago having an occasion to have a test would have given me quite a bit of worry. Now it’s just a matter of temporarily moving into a room on my own for an enforced staycation vs. being free to move around and cough in public without being looked at as Typhoid Mary. And while I hope that this post doesn’t get added to with an anecdote of a sixth test, it is entirely a possibility and one that will be taken up with a weary “here we go again” +some kind of tongue-in-cheekness.

TO put it very succinctly before going to bed last night, “Be NE-GA-TIVE Ayu!”

A Day In The Life Of A S.A.H.M

Be another/a different kettle of fish | Helendipity

Being a stay at home mom is a different kettle of fish. If kettles full of fish aren’t your thing, feel free to put in a vegetarian or a vegan option if that rings your bell.

37 Stay at home mom problems ideas | mom problems, stay at home mom, mom  humor

I am, for the most part, a Stay At Home Mom. It was a decision that I made pretty willingly. Things also didn’t align in such a manner that I felt confident or comfortable enough to leave TO with any other caregiver or in a creche or daycare and hie off to work.

When the hieing off did happen, the universe conspired to have me be more grounded (the parents grounding the kids kind and not the being practical-kinds) and ultimately I circled back to home and hearth and kept my activities centered around it. The work too is something I’ve been doing while lounging in my pjs so WFH is not only a familiar concept but it’s been a way of life.

Recently TO headed back to school. It was something he was longing for. Me…not so much. I figured if he gets to ride out one whole school year at home and then starts fresh for the new academic year in school, it might be an easier transition but again, universe and child conspired to do things differently so Red and I opted for in-person schooling for TO with some riders in place wrt his and our continued safety.

Wicked Witch Of The West GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

And believe you me, within 2 days of school starting, the whining started too. Not that it ever ended properly; some of us are born whiners and continue to whine till Doomsday hits and even then, we go whining into the Great Unknown.

Barring the first two days of school where the former lump jumped out of bed, brushed, bathed and tackled his morning routine with alacrity, we were back to the “pleasantness” of an early morning routine where the mother dons on the persona of the Wicked Witch of the West and drags an innocent Dorothy, I mean TO, out from the warm comforts of his covers and into the cold, hard, unforgiving world of sunshine, cold bathroom tiles and mandated personal hygiene. I mean what could be worse?! Plenty as my kid puts it…

Top 30 Smell Armpit GIFs | Find the best GIF on Gfycat

Imagine having to bathe every day, like clockwork, before leaving the house. Because unlike over Google Meets, here people can actually smell you. And the fact that they *can* smell you is a cause for concern.

Weird and Strange Hairstyles: Oh My!!! | Hair styles, Bird nest hair, Hair  humor

Imagine having to comb your hair because again, unlike over Google Meets, they can actually see the birds nest you’re lovingly cultivating in that mess on top of your head!

Sound Of Music Lady - going commando feels great!

And the list goes on. Needing clean underwear because going commando is no longer an option or that grunting as a response will no longer be acceptable while answering the roll call…the world is full of a minefield for a kid heading back to school. And the worst of it is probably the uniforms that are collared, starched and make little hoodlums look presentable and not like they got dressed in the dark while suffering from color blindness in the process.

Today the brat got to take a day off from school to participate in a sporting event. I dropped him and his teammates to a location a bit far from home and was navigating my way back with the help of Google Maps when I realised that Ms.Google Maps Voice has a bit of an attitude. She’ll start with a nice even tone when saying “Take the next right” and if that right isn’t taken within a second of the words leaving her automated voice box, the next time she speaks to you it’s with the subtext of “take the right turn already you moron!”

Never a dull moment- that’s the crux of a S.A.H.M’s day!

From The Diary Of A Distractible Kid’s Mother…

TO and I were delving into a new chapter that’s just started in Science and it was a slightly bumpy roller coaster ride- for me. 🀒

See, I know the kids’ tendency to yawn, stretch and curl up into a ball at the mere thought of homework or academics. 😴😴😴Been there, done that and I now channelize those skills when confronted with housework. But that’s a different story for a different day.

When TO and I were talking about measurements, we were trying (I was) to discuss why there were differences in the units of measurements for a particular substance. And I mentioned the Mariana Trench (I shouldn’t have)🌊🌊🌊 and from there the talk wildly veered to whales, 🐳🐳🐳their mass, πŸ‹πŸ‹πŸ‹ which whales went where and why and away we went! πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈπŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ

And asking a child to put a πŸ“Œ in something is like trying to curb a force of nature. It is very difficult to do, sustain and even repeat if the occasion calls for it. πŸ™‡β€β™€οΈπŸ™‡β€β™€οΈ

By the time one of his little friends called to check if he was free to play, I practically pushed him out theπŸšͺ! I was all tuckered out from meter-long fingers and foot-long glasses and kilograms of ocean water being tossed around.

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Lockdown Utterance Bloglet

This kind of statement has become the norm these days: “C’mon baby, have your lunch and then let’s shave your head. I have more chores left to do still. Chop chop!!”