Reblogged:Playing With The Hand You’re Dealt…

Isn’t that what it all boils down to in life?
It isn’t always celebrating the things that go well or in accordance with our plans or even making our peace with the things that don’t. It’s finally just existing with what IS.
Sometimes we are able to do it gracefully and other times it takes a lot of plodding and prodding to get through each day.

There’s a saying by Oscar Wilde that people often smugly quote- ” There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”

I’ve found that while tragedy might be too strong a word for it, it does seem difficult to comprehend and accept ,what you sought out, opted for even isn’t all that it’s cut out to be or even worse…it’s not what you want. Is inadequate.

So you shuffle the deck a few times and hope the next hand is better than the one that has you staring in bafflement.

Or you chuck the cards up in the air and don’t care if they scatter all over; since it’s mimicking life in doing so.

And some of us painstakingly make a house of cards. Trying to balance each card over the other and anxiously watching whether they stay up or come tumbling down.
In the end you either end up with a steady house you used up all your cards in making and are proud of or you decide to call it quits after you reach a plateau and are still left holding a few cards for later.

It’s all about playing with the hand you were dealt.

Whom To Marry: Sense Vs Sensibility

I came across an article in this morning’s Times of India’s Sunday section- Did Hermione choose the wrong partner?

The article by itself has little to do with being in toto about Harry Potter but more about compatibility and similarities in couples or could-have, should-have, would-have been couples and the choices that they ultimately end up making.

In a country like India where alliances are usually fixed taking into account similarity of background, family finances, religion et al, people can still end up being very different from each other temperamentally. The commonalities are usually in place to help the newly weds and their immediate families adjust (in theory). The more similarities you find in getting to know each other, the ice breaking goes that much better and there’s less new ground to cover or less surprises I guess.

For the multitude of people who end up choosing their own partners (from diverse AND similar backgrounds); they are propelled by a lot of reasons, emotional and practical, but I believe that we take the step into matrimony/long-term relationships because being with a particular person seems to be the right thing to do at a particular juncture.

Sure, people talk about being able to envision a life time with whom they love and picket fences, or condos in a high-rise, but getting through the day-to-day is what’s real and what’s palpable therefore does end up guiding our steps more than we realize. Because what you think of the future is merely a projection of your hopes, dreams and wishes drawn out of what’s transpiring in the present.

I have seen people who I never thought would actually fit each other personality-wise or those who would never seek each other out, get together and manage to hack it over the years. And even if a relationship doesn’t last until death do them apart, for some having had companionship, affection, support, passion, laughter in their lives is often counted as a success too.

Bottom line? I believe that when people choose a partner, they go by what makes sense to them emotionally and practically at a particular time.  It’s circumstances which play a huge role in defining whom we deem fit, deem right or even essential to partner with in life. So…did Hermione choose the wrong partner? Well had she chosen Neville or even Draco it’d have been a series of jaws-dropping across the globe but she chose Ron for reasons known to her and J.K Rowling alone. And in some parallel universe where fictional characters exist long after the books have been written, read and put away, am sure she and Ron are going through their daily dance or skirmishes as a married couple.

Did you choose correctly? That answer can get refined over time. If it makes sense now…run with it. Life has many surprises up her sleeve and you don’t need all the answers right away 🙂

The Best Laid Plans

The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!

Robert Burns- To A Mouse

I’ve not often had my plans crumble down. In fact am all about planning. Usually get into the realm of head-in-the-clouds so far do I wander off with my thoughts.

But it’s beyond daydreams and the lifestyles of the rich and famous. It’s more of the everyday things which really either help you stay afloat or pull you under.

A few years ago when I was pregnant with MLM I made plans of being the best mother out there. I certainly did not plan to turn into a screeching shrew who lives in her track pants and waits for deliverance and neither did I think that having a career was going to entail so much thought. It’s the circle of life- you grow up, get an education of some kind and get a job of some kind else you mooch off someone to sustain yourself.

But taking a conscious step back from work pretty much turned into an situation where was very little scope of being able to work the timings I wanted, do the kind of work I wanted and still be able to give the lion’s share of my time to my child. Oh and I forgot to factor in me-time..that was a joke by the way!

But I did work. For a little over a year. Did reasonably well too I thought too before the ugly specter of work-life balance (WLB) raised it’s insidious little head.

At the last place I worked before MLM was born I used to facilitate in-house workshops on WLB and I thought it was fairly doable. Provided you made it a priority and did everything possible to attain it.

Know what I think now? It’s HOGWASH!!

When your child (ren) is/are older possibly then being able to do things on your terms becomes a bit more viable without feeling like you’ve descended through Dante’s Hell but prior to that you never really know what kind of a path your life will take. Am not even venturing into the arena of curveballs. But the kind of decisions you might make for the health of your family or for your own benefit might end up making you accrue a lot more dividends that you’ll have to pay in person through compromises, frustrations and a lot of food for thought.

Bottom line? We don’t like changes unless there’s an outright benefit that we can sense and even enjoy from the onset. Anything that you need to wait for seems to come not only too slowly but often makes you lose sight of your rationale in indulging in it to begin with.

But having to make big decisions is necessary from time to time. It helps you prioritize, makes you think hard and think clearly and pushes you to do concrete things.

So the intangibles and the semi daydreams will just have to wait for their day in the sun.

In the meanwhile….carpe noctem anyone?

P.S: I want to shoot the person who propogated this WLB theory. Either it’s a man or someone who has a trust fund or a very good nanny! It’s certainly not a person like ME!

You Just Can’t WIN!!

MLM and I have been engaging in lots of verbal skirmishes of late. I’ve been on the losing side I’m not ashamed to say. It’s the truth. Anyone who has kids knows that they (the offspring) always win. Till they go off to college. Then we win. And keep winning because there is some role-reversal that happens and they don on a lot of the roles previously taken on only by us.

I’m so eagerly awaiting MLM’s kids. I know they’ll be all he is and MORE and I’ll be cackling away to glory from either up there or down there. Down there is more likely. But I digress…this is what happened today. And it’s just the tip of the iceberg of the stuff that regularly happens.

I was pottering around and adding things to the laundry basket when I heard a door opening, Knowing MLM I thought he was trying to access the front door or a loo. It was the loo. Within 2 seconds of entering the bathroom he’s naked as the day he was born and in a meditative pose on the commode.

When I asked him why he was naked since potty training has been done and dusted a while back, he said his clothes were dirty. I had seen his clothes a few minutes back and they seemed fine to me. Nothing filthy. So I asked him how did they get dirty. To which he promptly replied, “I do it! You go wash clothes now. I give my clothes. ” and smiles beatifically.

When I stared at him, giving him my Look Of Shame, he shuffles his toes and says,” I put on clothes, it’s cold Ayu”.

You just can’t win. They have you surrounded on all sides and don’t they just know it!