Reblogged: What You Say Vs What They Hear

I keep wondering what is it that makes my kid do the opposite of what I ask (read threaten/yell) him to do.

These are the very regular occurrences in our house:
  • Stand still gets interpreted as be anything but still.
  • Be quiet or HUSH= keep chattering incessantly.
  • Just a minute/second= I want it NOW!
  • Give me a minute to catch my breath= peppered by demands.
  • No iPad/TV = GIVE iPad/TV NOW!
  • Let’s eat dinner= I want JAMP (jam).
  • Let’s each lunch= I want chips!
  • Let’s brush your teeth= eating the toothpaste.
  • Rinse your mouth properly= water trickling out of the corners of the mouth with zero rinsing having taken place.
  • Enough ketchup= squeezing out another massive glob of it.
  • Eat properly with the spoon= eating with both hands in one go and looking absolutely simian in the process.
  • DON’T=DO
  • I’M ANGRY WITH YOU= thousands of kisses rained on my face as a bribe.
  • GO STAND IN THE CORNER= slowly inching away from the corner and smiling like an evil monkey.
  • Let’s not put the Play Doh on the sofa= rubbing it even more into the fabric.
  • Don’t write on the walls= put handprints with paint instead.
See what I mean!
Clearly I live in the Land of Opposite and MLM is King!

We Are Home To Mr.NO & Mr. IT’s MINE!

Red and I have always tried to use positive words rather than negative words when communicating things to MLM. Kids are like sponges and like mirrors…they’ll absorb everything and reflect them back on you…add boomerang to that list since they keep coming back no matter where you throw them. You *don’t* throw your kids? Pity….try it sometime…it’s cathartic!

Anyhoo…moving on from my not very maternal fantasies…we’ve been wondering how to get MLM out of his habit of saying NO to every damn thing that we ask him to do or not to do AND also his habit of justifying his actions by proclaiming- IT’s MINE!! Am tacking on only 2 exclamations…he adds a gazillion after his screeches.

The thing is…no matter how hard you try, it’s inevitable that the child hears NO from you on a fairly regular basis. If not NO then its loyal family of NOT, DON’T, STOP all hover inside our mouths just waiting to jump out and assault the child bent on doing things his own way.

Take today’s instance for example: MLM somehow got his hands on an extension cord that was happily wound up and kept out of reach- or so we thought. He unraveled the entire bit and dumped the rest onto his cycle carrier and was zooming around the house. I saw and asked him to stop knowing that the tangled cables would either mess up the bike or would cause a fall and a resulting ouchie; post which I’d have to kiss the aforementioned ouchie and tell the bike it had been very naughty for hurting MLM. Yup…my days are filled with fun things to do.

So the little man immediately acts like I’m the Gestapo and starts yelling IT’s MINE!! and NO! NO! NO! GIFF IT BACK!!! Seeing that the belligerence in my eyes hadn’t dimmed a bit he starts off on his impressions of a banshee (not a pretty sound especially on a day when I’ve been diagnosed with AOM) and just carries on till I box his ears and threaten to give the cycle away to the trash collector tomorrow morning.  Yes…we’re the threatening parents…rather I am…Red still tries to strike a balance…when that fails he calls me and I promptly come in and threaten.

The point is it shouldn’t be this hard…you shouldn’t have to be a bad cop for your kid to understand that you want them to be safe. But given that children much older than my boy have deliberately done dumber things, with more serious implications just goes to show you that kids really don’t listen. It’s not done with malice either. They just don’t know any better. And since you know better and try to stop them and end up cementing their intentions even more. But the alternative isn’t a pretty one at all…isn’t the most important part of being a parent is to keep your child safe? Not every experience is worth having when seen from a parent’ s viewpoint and in reality.

But till that glorious day comes when my child actually exhibits that he has brains and can use them appropriately, I guess we’ll be keeping company with the evil twins- Mr.NO & Mr. IT’s MINE.

I just hope their family doesn’t grow any more…I have very few weapons left in my arsenal 😦 The most effective of which continue to be Mr.Bedtime (for the child) and Mrs. Glass-0f-Wine ( for moi).


Black Friday

I’m thinking of carrying out research on why supermarkets cause or trigger tantrums in children.
Rolling in aisles, causing a traffic jam for other shoppers, causing everyone to stop in their tracks to see WHO or WHAT is making that kind of sound.

I’ve often thought it was INCREDIBLE the amount of anguish a child can inject in their voice while crying over the silliest of things.

Initially I used to be appalled at such a sight thinking MLM’s rolling on aisles which have been tread upon by God knows who et al; but now I know it washes off. If not today then tomorrow. It took me a week to get his subway line-like scribbles with permanent marker off his leg. BOTH his legs actually. So am good with washing. It’s just a pity I can’t put him in the washing machine for the Extra Soak cycle. The tub’s too damn small…he’d need his bath toys for one thing and they all wouldn’t fit well.

So unless I have to do anything very urgently I usually let him cry it off and kind of cordon off the area around him so his flailing legs don’t knock over things from shelves or end up hitting some non-child loving person.

I no longer try to pick him up during tantrums…nothing more dangerous and nerve wracking. Far from perceiving it as comfort, the child thinks you’re putting an end to their civil disobedience and scream and kick with renewed efforts. Also that’s their outlet…better let them have their carpe diem.moment rather than having them seize anything else later on.

So there I was..experiencing my very own Black Friday in between the cereal and toy aisles and there were the usual suspects walking by- horrified looking young married couples- (yup! just look at me as the Ghost of Thanksgiving Future!) no doubt adding more boxes of contraceptives to their purchases; the young’uns out for a nice Friday night after work who just breezed past-nothing on their horizons except after-work drinks and hooking up; sympathetic or smug mothers ( depending on the frequency of their child doing thing); and finally the salespeople of the supermarket who were giving me looks that clearly said, ” BUY THE KID THE DAMN THING AND GO ALREADY! YOU LOOK LIKE YOU DON’T MISS ANY MEALS SO STOP BEING STINGY ABOUT THE KID’S TOY LADY!!”

And so I gave in…because urging from a far more critical source had registered and I simply couldn’t ignore that! Yup…your bladder makes a very convincing argument 😦

So we got home, went managed to go out for a rare dinner with the Lord&Master and came back with minimal fuss.

So yeah…I’ll be researching away on my dissertation titled- Supermarkets: The Bermuda Triangle of Parenting ( The disappearance of normalcy and obedience in a formally fairly ok child and mysterious appearance of behavioral aspects that instigates paddling the Gluteus Maximus).

Once this one has won be the Nobel Prize for Science I intend to begin work on my 2nd dissertation titled: The Direct Correlation Between Tear Ducts and Toys.


Time Management

Most moms get this advice from others, “when your baby sleeps, you should sleep too!” . Now that’s sound advice but one that moms seldom follow. Or can afford to follow actually. Usually there’s so much to be done for an infant and toddler that you can’t simply go to sleep even when you are DEAD on your feet.

But when you have a slightly older child you become a bit greedy about your time away from being an active or real-time mom as I call the ilk, and want to use your time to DO SOMETHING! When actually you really should be dragging your sleepy self to bed.

So here I am, yawning massive yawns that expose my maws and my head’s dropping a bit while I think of the next pithy sentence but I am still determined to DO something so this time doesn’t go waste.

As my son’s prone to say these days, “that’s stoopit Ayu”.

Good night all, I will finally take the advice and ‘sleep when the “baby” is sleeping’.