Conversations Over A Hot Stove

A little while ago when I was in the middle of cooking the chicken curry for today’s lunch, TO came to get a hug. Now a hot and sweaty person usually runs as far away from being held as possible. Especially more so when she’s doing the taste checks for a new recipe she decided to make on the spur of the moment. However, TO is militant about his hugs and wouldn’t leave without one.

The conversation while waiting for the hug went something like this- TO (making a face): WHAT’S THAT GREEN STUFF??!! Me: It’s coriander. You love it so am putting more in the curry. TO: No, not that green stuff, THAT green stuff. It looks like PUKE! Are we having puke for lunch?! Me: It’s not green. It’s a light yellow from the turmeric. TO: It still looks like PUKE to me. Me: You don’t have to eat it…we have daal and aalu. TO: No,no..I can eat chicken anytime..it doesn’t look *that* bad Ayu (pats my back commiseratingly).

And that ladies and gentlemen is what comes of wanting to create new culinary experiences for your family…pukey chicken indeed!

Be Careful What You Wish For…

My parents shared their good experiences with me by making me a part of them. Places they went to as children or travels they’d enjoyed were recreated with me so I could see what the fun was about. Places they hung out in or eateries they frequented in their youth; I’ve been to quite a few of them and have been able to sample (‘cuse the pun) things for myself.

My mother in particular, watched movies with me which were a part of her childhood- The Sound of Music, Mary Poppins etc. She introduced me to Elvis, the Beatles and of course Rabindra Sangeet- the staple food for the Bangali’s poetic soul. Given that this was the foundation laid for me, why wouldn’t I try and carry out the same with TO as well, right? Guess what? BIG MISTAKE!

I am a person who is deeply-rooted to her memories. I have a very retro-laden soul. I usually fall back on books I’ve read and reread when I need a break from the day to day. I watch movies which have proved to be hits and enjoyable no matter when I watch them. To make a long story short- my experiences associated with things are important to me. Nuff said!

The other day TO was complaining that we aren’t doing enough “family time” when it came to hanging out together and having fun. This came on the heels of us putting an end to screen time for the day. He wanted to kill two birds with one stone and have his digital media fun+have his parents around. Now in the past, us having him choose something for us to watch as a family has usually ended up being movies like The Chipmunks (high-pitched annoying gits)or yet another rerun of the same animated movie. With becoming a tween just around the corner, TO has been chomping at the bit for some “grown-up” stuff aka HORROR!

While we do give him a free hand when it comes to choosing his kiddy material, we are quite restrained when it comes to exposing him to material which is even PG-13. His can’t always compute why people do certain things so it’s easier to let him watch his dinosaur or TNMT which is fairly straightforward and doesn’t need a TED talk for clarity.

When I was his, age my mom and I used to cuddle on the big couch in the living room and watch horror movies which were usually Rated R. My mother would make sure the carnal stuff was fast forwarded or would cover my eyes and then let me watch the blood and gore without any qualms. It wasn’t her fault that the undead serial killers would usually start killing people while they were “at it”. Talk about coitus interruptus! But it boiled down this- I could take the blood and gore and wouldn’t start climbing into bed with my parents because I got scared in the middle of the night by seeing shadows on my wall after Freddy, Jason or Michael had gone on a rampage. To find a middle path with TO, we had to look for movies with some blood and gore but with next to no “adult stuff” so creature movies is what we’re usually left to choose from.

Last night we watched Deep Blue Sea– a favorite of mine since I first watched it during college and possibly after bunking a rather boring class. With DBS I discovered there could be shark movies after Jaws, Thomas Jane was a hottie and LL Cool J was funny.

What happened last night was this- an unending running commentary about who was going to die, why they ought to die, why they shouldn’t mess with sharks and a shout every time there was a remotely loud noise from the screen. This kid killed D.B.S for me! He just took it apart, shredded it and scattered those pieces willy nilly all over the place; never to be put back again. There go my plans of introducing him to Die Hard and Under Siege in due time.

I love my kid but he can’t mess with the classics! I guess we have a long road of Jurassic Park and World reruns in our future before he’s all out of his “special inputs” while the movie runs.

And as for horror movies; they’re permanently on the back burner. Can you imagine watching The Exorcist and having a barrage of questions about why the girl’s head turned back 180 degrees or why she barfed up green vomit or why Michael Meyers never talks or why Jason’s mask rarely comes off?

I can totally imagine being interrogated about why Samara Morgan’s hair is all over her face instead of being brushed over like normal undead killers…gimme a break!

The Lard Bloglet

It’s one of those days when your kid snuggles up to you saying, “No Marshmallow, don’t go…I want to sleep for some more time”. You love this kid but if he calls you Marshmallow one more time…#%$&!ยฃ!#*

Motherhood Bloglet

I’m a mother…ergo I facepalm. Royally!

My child, adorable tailless monkey that he is, is still prone to doing things ass backwards plenty of times. When he was a baby he’d bite off the bottom of his ice cream cone and then rush to suck up the swiftly flowing ice cream that was melting all over him. In the process he’d get a brain freeze from the cold. Another joy of motherhood.

Also, it took him a while to find out why he shouldn’t bite off the bottom of the cone…and each time the same expression of surprise would pop up on his face; seeing the ice cream flow away…sheesh.

As a bigger baby these days, he eats the shawarma roll from both ends and wonders why the mayo and fillings keep dropping all over him. I mean…seriously?!

And then when he gets a dirty or perplexed from moi he gives me the universal look all kids are born with viz

Arrow Going Right Gif | Arrow pointing right, Animation in photoshop, Gif  animated images

Takes A Bloomin’ Continent

A lot has been written about the people in the frontlines of this pandemic. As it should be. They literally are the first line of defence and often end up in hazardous situations themselves in the process of trying to cure or keep the populace safe.

But I don’t think enough has been written about the people who’re trying to make sure the little monkeys we brought into this world, remain educated, remain interested in education and actually learn something during these times where the only certainty is that it’s all still very uncertain!

30+ Most Accurate Teacher Memes - UPDATED!

Case in point: a teacher spends a good amount of time explaining things in fairly minute detail to middle schoolers and then asks if there are any questions. These are the inputs which come in from the kids-

  • Student#1 Ma’am you didn’t mark me present.
  • Student#2 Ma’am we have only 3 minutes left for the class to end.
  • Student#3 Ma’am can I go to the washroom.
  • Student#4 Ma’am you said XYZ’s name wrong…
  • Student#5 *umm…hmmm…erm*
  • Student#6 yawns loudly
  • Student#7 *humms*
  • Student#8 Ma’am it’s time, can we leave?

Teacher: sighs DEEPLY and says, “Ok children, anyone have any questions about what we’re discussing right now? For the things which were due 2 days ago? Any questions at all?” There’s pin drop silence. You can hear the clock tick, the birds chirp outside and the leaves of the tree rustle softly. Teache: No one? Nothing to ask?…sighs DEEPLY once more and says, “Ok children, you can leave the meeting.”

Students as ONE: BYEEEE MA’AAAAM!!!

It may have taken a village in the past to raise a child, but it takes waaay more to teach one!

To the teachers- we salute you!

The Best Laid Plans…

Red and I decided that reducing the amount of time TO spends on digital media is the best thing for him and us…now and long-term. And in order to do that, we need to switch off (literally and figuratively) from the stuff we’re doing and spend time with him; no matter what.

And so we (viz ME) embarked on this new and courageous undertaking (again ME) and decided that post-dinner walks would be a good way to engage him and stop him from turning into Al Bundy. The added benefit of digesting his food properly and getting tired prior to bedtime are also things we considered (still ME!!)

The first walk ended up being a crash course in the Godzilla-verse for me. It was Godzilla this, Godzilla that. King Ghidorah blah blah blah…Rodan blahx10, Mothra blahx100. All of them together blahxinfinity!!!

And it turns out, my kid’s the Rainman when it comes to Godzilla movies..anime and otherwise. He remembers all the dates or rather is creative enough to manufacture dates going back to the 50s when the Godzilla movies were released.

And this is what made me go, “Oh really?”A kid who has to be reminded to “properly” wash his hands post playing outside during a pandemic, remembers dates of the original Godzilla movies.

Never a dull moment with this one. EVER!

From The Diary Of A Distractible Kid’s Mother…

TO and I were delving into a new chapter that’s just started in Science and it was a slightly bumpy roller coaster ride- for me. ๐Ÿคข

See, I know the kids’ tendency to yawn, stretch and curl up into a ball at the mere thought of homework or academics. ๐Ÿ˜ด๐Ÿ˜ด๐Ÿ˜ดBeen there, done that and I now channelize those skills when confronted with housework. But that’s a different story for a different day.

When TO and I were talking about measurements, we were trying (I was) to discuss why there were differences in the units of measurements for a particular substance. And I mentioned the Mariana Trench (I shouldn’t have)๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ and from there the talk wildly veered to whales, ๐Ÿณ๐Ÿณ๐Ÿณtheir mass, ๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿ‹ which whales went where and why and away we went! ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ

And asking a child to put a ๐Ÿ“Œ in something is like trying to curb a force of nature. It is very difficult to do, sustain and even repeat if the occasion calls for it. ๐Ÿ™‡โ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ™‡โ€โ™€๏ธ

By the time one of his little friends called to check if he was free to play, I practically pushed him out the๐Ÿšช! I was all tuckered out from meter-long fingers and foot-long glasses and kilograms of ocean water being tossed around.

Cabin Fever Blog…

Another post that was left midway, most likely due to household chores and my personal Disruptor!

Kicking And Screaming GIFs | Tenor

Lockdown mornings are wonderful (read between the lines)! Instead of dragging TO out of bed, I now kind of nudge him till he rolls out and then get him to clean out his eye gunk before he gets online for his classes with the teachers and classmates. What joy.

Pin on Funnies

Today being a Saturday, I didn’t have to nudge, push or shove and he got up on his own. I should mention that because he bunked with me last night I didn’t get much sleep. I usually go to another room when he starts using me as his mattress and blanket all rolled into one.

A little while back there was a slightly miffed child staring at me with his hands on his hips…the bone of contention was my leaving him at night to go sleep somewhere else. When I told him that I needed my sleep and he kept pushing me off the bed, his answer of, “That’ because you’re so FAT!” didn’t really help matters much.

52 Questions I Ask Myself When I Lie Awake At Night

I think I’ll get one of those Keep Calm memes up and running while I ruminate on playing musical bedrooms in my own home. Till I drift off to sleep and wake up with a cute but peeved face almost nose to nose with me!

Saturday Morning Conversations

I crashed by myself last night…was listening to music, sorting out playlists…everything you need head space for and which can’t always be done effectively with someone staring at you with googly eyes and asking, “what are you doing?” for the millionth time.

I avoided weird bedtime conversations but couldn’t avoid them during the next morning when someone decided to wake up and smell the roses with unbounded enthusiasm before his mother got caffeinated.

Image result for no caffeine meme

Imagine having slept off to music spanning the decades along with conversations with friends on and off till the middle of the night and then waking up to the most #dafuq question one can imagine first thing in the morning viz, “How old do you think De Villiers is?” And on seeing my glazed, semi-blurry vision starting to go the angry, snorting bull way, TO preemptively turns his face skywards and says, “Why me?!!” Nothing quite like having your angsty moment stolen and impersonated by the person who brought it on in the first place.

Image result for why god why me gif

So on we went with the good morning kisses and inane questions till my brain cried out for coffee once more. Red being the coffee guy at home was hollered at and he promptly went and made some for HIMSELF and not me. There’s only a few things a woman can say to her husband at such times and I tell back on Barb#1 aka ‘ I gave you a kid, can’t you even get me a cup of coffee?’

Image result for where's my coffee

We are fond of our drama in this household. Be it me trying to bury myself under the covers so I don’t have to hear my kid drone on about some ODI post which Tendulkar decided to retire from cricket

Image result for i'm not here meme

or trying to bargain for more screen time or me giving the evil eye to the placidly coffee-sipping spouse who’s going to need me to find his stuff for him soon; this is just how we roll.

Slainte!

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

My kid thinks I’m blind AND dumb. If he didn’t, why on earth would he cut off a clump of hair that he couldn’t untangle instead of bringing it to his mother who’s so damn handy with a comb and also when we have a detangler spray handy as well? My face is going to have permanent indentations from all my facepalming.

Anyhoo, two days ago TO walks up to me very nonchalantly and asks for screentime access when I notice a lopsided part of his hair. On asking him what happened to his hair he goes coy and says “nothing” and then once I poke him on the bald spot he can no longer deny, he tells me how it was hurting him to comb his hair and he just cut it to make easier on himself. ๐Ÿ™„

After making it clear to him that a combover wasn’t something he should have to consider in this tender age, he agreed to get his hair cut so it would seem nice and even and less like male pattern baldness was setting in for a 10-year old.

At the parlor however, his desire to look funky had to be recalibrated because he didn’t have enough of floopy hair left on top to have a mohawk or even a mushroom cloud-like shape. What was inevitable was a bootcamp look. Ye Gods.

Am sure we’ll be visiting the stylist again, soon, for yet another hair dilemma. As I was telling someone yesterday, he went from pretty to butch in a single snip!