The Life Of An Urban Housewife

  • Get up and beat the alarm…not to death but beat it to the finish.
  • Stumble over toys and everything that should not be scattered on the floor.
  • Brush while still a zombie.
  • Use the loo and think Oh God…another day.
  • Struggle into swimsuit and go for a dip.
  • Get into pool and properly wake up.
  • Thank the heavens both kid and husband are still asleep.
  • Scramble out of pool to wake up kid and husband.
  • Walk back in wet clothes and squelching slippers because changing takes time.
  • Walk carefully into the house to not drip more water than required.
  • Wake up sleeping beauties. Loudly.
  • Jump into the shower, shampoo, dry hair, put on clothes.
  • Wake up sleeping beauties. LOUDER.
  • Tickle child awake.
  • Kick husband out of bed.
  • Alternate between cajoling and threatening child to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
  • Ultimately give child piggyback ride to bathroom and coax him to brush his damn…erm little teeth.
  • Give husband nasty looks because he’s reading sports page and not making coffee.
  • Get child to brush teeth and rinse his mouth properly.
  • Give husband nastier look and say stop acting like a slug/sloth/any other S-L-O-W moving creature.
  • Get child to dinning table and give him a glass of milk and promise yes, there’s a lot of yummy chocolate at the bottom.
  • Forgive husband while he hands you a cup of coffee.
  • Leave coffee untasted while child starts playing with cars and dinos at the table and leaves milk untouched and raise your voice to the “I’m getting angry” level.
  • Give husband the EVIL EYE when he says you shouldn’t get angry so early in the mornings.
  • Get milk into child eventually.
  • Get child into school clothes.
  • Run after him with a brush to comb his hair and put lotion on his face.
  • Kiss him goodbye and promise yourself to be a less impatient mother from now on.
  • Look at husband with benevolent eyes once he drops child off and comes back home.
  • Feel blood pressure rising when you keep talking to husband and he keeps burrowing into the same damn sports page.
  • Feel relieved when husband finally goes for his bath.
  • Feel irritation when he forgets his towel and asks you for once just as you pick up the paper. YET AGAIN.
  • Start counting to 10 when he asks if you know where his washed undies are. AGAIN.
  • Start looking for a weapon when he asks if you’ve seen his glasses. YES! Again. Every single damn day!!
  • Recite his checklist by rote and make sure he’s taken everything he needs to for work.
  • Send him off and feel love and affection flooding your heart. And relief.

It’s 9 am. You’ve been up for 2 1/2 hours. And there’s the rest of the day to get through. And you WILL do this again. TOMORROW. THE DAY AFTER. And the day after that too.

Thank God for predictability.



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