The Life Of An Urban Housewife

• Get up and beat the alarm…not to death but beat it to the finish.
• Stumble over toys and everything that should not be scattered on the floor.
• Brush while still a zombie.
• Use the loo and think Oh God…another day.
• Struggle into swimsuit and go for a dip.
• Get into pool and properly wake up.
• Thank the heavens both kid and husband are still asleep.
• Scramble out of pool to wake up kid and husband.
• Walk back in wet clothes and squelching slippers because changing takes time.
• Walk carefully into the house to not drip more water than required.
• Wake up sleeping beauties. Loudly.
• Jump into the shower, shampoo, dry hair, put on clothes.
• Wake up sleeping beauties. LOUDER.
• Tickle child awake.
• Kick husband out of bed.
• Alternate between cajoling and threatening child to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
• Ultimately give child piggyback ride to bathroom and coax him to brush his damn…erm little teeth.
• Give husband nasty looks because he’s reading sports page and not making coffee.
• Get child to brush teeth and rinse his mouth properly.
• Give husband nastier look and say stop acting like a slug/sloth/any other S-L-O-W moving creature.
• Get child to dinning table and give him a glass of milk and promise yes, there’s a lot of yummy chocolate at the bottom.
• Forgive husband while he hands you a cup of coffee.
• Leave coffee untasted while child starts playing with cars and dinos at the table and leaves milk untouched and raise your voice to the “I’m getting angry” level.
• Give husband the EVIL EYE when he says you shouldn’t get angry so early in the mornings.
• Get milk into child eventually.
• Get child into school clothes.
• Run after him with a brush to comb his hair and put lotion on his face.
• Kiss him goodbye and promise yourself to be a less impatient mother from now on.
• Look at husband with benevolent eyes once he drops child off and comes back home.
• Feel blood pressure rising when you keep talking to husband and he keeps burrowing into the same damn sports page.
• Feel relieved when husband finally goes for his bath.
• Feel irritation when he forgets his towel and asks you for once just as you pick up the paper. YET AGAIN.
• Start counting to 10 when he asks if you know where his washed undies are. AGAIN.
• Start looking for a weapon when he asks if you’ve seen his glasses. YES! Again. Every single damn day!!
• Recite his checklist by rote and make sure he’s taken everything he needs to for work.
• Send him off and feel love and affection flooding your heart. And relief.

It’s 9 am. You’ve been up for 2 1/2 hours. And there’s the rest of the day to get through. And you WILL do this again. TOMORROW. THE DAY AFTER. And the day after that too.

Thank God for predictability.

Amen.