Retroblog:Wiggly Worm
Tag: reblogged
A Quick Preface…
Over the next few days I’ll be integrating the blog posts from a different voice I adopted a while back. It had its share of no-holds barred kind of posts, feelings and thoughts and for a while it was good to have a sounding board of sorts. But even if it was a different kind of outlet, I’m still the same person and my less than pleasant voice is also a part of me.
So till the end of Jan, I’ll be taking a look at the stuff written in the other blog and whatever still strikes a chord stays and what doesn’t gets junked. But no more compartmentalization…it’s all part of the same persona at the end of the day.
Cheers.
Retroblog
7 years ago I published this bit of rant (scroll down) on Facebook notes. I was more than halfway into my first year as a mother and the mini muffin was an adorable individual who was just getting into his groove as a tiny human hurricane.
The text is all in caps to express my overwhelmed state of mind back in the day. Suffice to say writing etiquette was the furthest thing on my mind at that time!
AVE DIAPER! THOSE WHO ARE ABOUT TO PLUNGE HEADFIRST INTO DOODOO SALUTE YOU!
NOTE: THOSE WHO ARE ABOUT TO OR WOULD LIKE TO CONCEIVE/GIVE BIRTH KINDLY BEAR IN MIND PRODUCT COMES WITH A NO RETURN&NO EXCHANGE POLICY!!
1) YOUR CHILD HAS THAT ANGELIC-CHERUBIC FACE SO YOU DON’T SLAP THOSE CHEEKS INTO PERMANENT RUDDINESS.
2) YOUR CHILD WILL TIME THE EXPULSION OF FECES&URINE AT THE EXACT MOMENT WHEN YOU CANNOT GET THE DIAPER ON.
3) THE CRYING WILL BEGIN JUST WHEN YOUR BRAIN SIGNALS IT’S TIME TO REST.
4) WILL SPIT UP FOOD ON THE DAY YOU ARE FEELING MOST CONFIDENT ABOUT DINNERTIME BEING A NON-WWF MATCH.
5) YOUR CHILD WILL PRESENT THE AFOREMENTIONED ANGELIC SIDE TO OTHERS, LEAVING THEM TO THINK YOU’RE A LOON FOR CRIBBING ABOUT SUCH A CUTIE-WUTIE IZZUMS!
6) WILL MANAGE TO MAKE YOUR ANGER GO OUT IN A POOF! BY GOING TO SLEEP ON YOUR SHOULDER, MOUTH OPEN, TEETH SHOWING&CHUBBY HANDS HOLDING YOU TIGHTER THAN THEY’D HOLD ANYONE ELSE.
BOTTOM LINE: ADOPT A TEEN INSTEAD. THEY’RE LIKELY TO BE HOUSEBROKEN.
LIKELY.
ADIEU!
Reblogged: Past Witticisms
Before I’d discovered the joys of blogging on WP, I was on Blogger and Facebook was kind enough to remind me that I published this- http://bouncyrambler.blogspot.in/2012/05/if-harry-potter-were-real.html?m=1 a while back.
It’s a nod to my love for Harry Potter and the one person who occupies my thoughts almost 24/7-MLM.
The Misery of Mucus
Reblogged from beerandcandlelight.wordpress.com
There are two kinds of people (among the many types of two-kinds of people): those who shy away from bodily functions, fluids and whatnot and those who rush to embrace it.
I’m not sure why but farts, peeing, pooping, burping, drooling, mucus (from various parts of the body), wet dreams, menstrual flow; it’s all just stuff you file away under ‘ewws’, ‘icky-yucky’ ‘must-nots’ and either talk to your physician about or your best friend. Or you talk to your husband if you have what mine refers to as “potty comfort” aka using the toilet in front of each other without major gag reflexes coming into play or the question of the marriage surviving popping up.
But people’s’ personal preferences aside, I wanted to shine the spotlight on parents (moms in particular) and how they have to battle the insidious inside of the human body especially when it comes to their kids.
Right from the first constipation to cleaning the first vomit there is nothing more satisfying for a parent (read mother) when a badly backed up kid finally gets it out. Whether it’s through the poop chute or the nose but the sight of turd in the toilet after a tight-tummied kid has driven you crazy is like Nirvana!
The disgusting, gluggy mucus that makes your kid go from a normal pitch to a baritone is also treated with less revulsion and more of kindness when you try to coax it out of your kid’s nose with the contraption of horrors aka the nasal aspirator!
Once you open the tap and watch the snot swirl away or you flush the poop down the hatch, the kind of lightness you feel can give the Jenny Craigers and Atkin dieters a run for their money and probably win too.
It’s disgusting. It stinks. But it exists. And God help you if your kid needs something to be excavated. Better don the miner’s hat and go digging.
Unlike the Good Book says, it’s “Damnation WITH relief”.
Amen.
