Who said Mondays are all about moaning and groaning about the weekend ending? Well..I haven’t said it yet. But the day’s young and my kid will be back from school in a few hours so I have time to make up my quota of Monday moans.
In the interim, here are some funnies that I got as an email forward. Pretty funny truth be told. Not all of it. Just bits and pieces. Just like Mondays.
Enjoy the chuckles!
1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. The patient refused autopsy. ( Say what?)
8. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
9. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
10. Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. (I would like to see that process of x-rating!)
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. (Amen.)
17. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
18. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. (Cannot get over this one. Is it with the tent or without?)
19. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
20. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
21. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
22. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. (LOVE this!)