How To Tell A Pre-Teen Lives In Your House

Here it goes in no particular order:

1. He calls you Bruh..mom and dad have left the building and Bruh reigns supreme.
2. Angst is the name of the game.
3. Being contrary is also the name of the game.
4. Tantrums are usually lurking around the corner.
5. Flashes of brilliance (I use the term loosely) can be expected.
6. Hugs and kisses are still accepted but otherwise you end up embarrassing them by stepping into the room during online classes with your mere presence.
7. Growth spurt has kicked in and is still kicking butt- usually the parents.
8. Advice about music is being shared- by the child to the unfashionable parents.
9. Eyerolls are the accepted form of communicating.
10. So are sulks.
11. As-if, what-the, effs are all de facto modes of answering and are often complete sentences by themselves.
12. Everything is BORINGGG!!
13. Parents are UNFAIR!!!
14. Global issues (like the present pandemic) have specifically come into being to make their lives especially hellish.
15. Bathing is optional. Also, when it’s indulged in, one must have a reservoir at home to accommodate musical talents of child that peak while they’re in the shower.
16. Bathing without looking clean is a newly cultivated skill set.
17. Feeling hungry while eating the main meals of the day are another newly cultivated skill set.
18. The opposite sex is no longer dumb. Cooties don’t exist any longer.
19. Excuses for not doing homework or household chores assume epic proportions.
20. Parents have turned into insensitive devils who routinely torture the child…erm pre-teen for their own amusement. Ergo reinforcing point#13.
21. Screen time is a right more precious than Right to Life since life without screen time is no life at all.
22. Selective hearing is firmly established.
23. Very susceptible to sarcasm. It reinforces points #13 and #20 when indulged by the grown-ups of the house.
24. Being largely unflappable in the face of parental ire and asking them to chill is par for course.
25. Being a big baby about birthdays and gifts- still status quo.

Can’t imagine that age 13 will bring our way!